Thoughts on The Danish Girl

... since it's similar to About Ray? I believe Eddie Redmayne (cis-male) portrays a transwoman who only realised she was a woman after cross-dressing as a game with her wife. It seems to be portrayed positively and respectfully, like About Ray, despite AR's ignorant director. I don't mind them using cis-actors since really good trans actors are hard to find (as in, not easily discovered) and these films are only just starting to become mainstream. Its a good start to me.

I regret trying to work as a male.

I had an interview today to be a security guard. It’s my dream job, only beaten by maybe police officer and international superspy. (And yeah, I know, what an incredibly mundane dream, but eh. We can’t all be actors and presidents and superstars!) I had the interview in the bag, job was mine, I had been assured of this. I had only one step left. I leaned forward, and asked “Is it alright for me to be hired as a male?”

I’ve been living as a male full time except for work for, oh, two years now? I had always just dealt with being a female at work because money is important. Money leads to surgery and legal sex change. But lately I’ve decided that I want to be male everywhere I go. I hear of trans women having no problems in this regard, being gendered correctly as long as they made it known that was what they wanted, so why should I? I pass just fine.

Instead i got a stammering response and an obviously uncomfortable boss who didn’t know how to respond. He basically said he’d never dealt with this situation before, he’ll talk to HR, he doesn’t let his personal politics get into things, ect, ect. And the whole time a feeling of dread was growing in me. I had fucked up. I was finally going to get my dream job and I just had to open my stupid mouth and fuck it up.

I left with assurances i would get further information by e-mail for the next few steps. I haven’t received anything. I’ll wait until next Friday, then go back to looking for other work. 

It should have been a happy day for me. Why couldn’t I just keep my mouth shut and accept being called a girl, if only for a little while longer? Hell, I can’t even whine at my best friend and tell him what I did, because he’d basically tell me I was an idiot for trying. So I’m confessing it here, the fact I did it, and the fact I regret it with every fiber of my being.

BS

That "Good Samaritan" thing is bullshit. It's as if you're saying people who are stealth are not good or thoughtful people because they aren't out, putting themselves out there or at risk for violence or dysphoric situations, to inspire strangers. To those people who could be stealth and choose not to be to be supportive, good on you. But don't act like those who don't aren't as good. Not wanting to sacrifice my well-being for complete strangers does not make me a bad person.

Why be a feminine transman?

Super feminine trans men make me really uncomfortable. I know that gender expression is not dictated by identity and I really want to be supportive of people wearing what they want, but trans men already get enough shit about just being "tomboys" or "girls dressing like guys," and when I see someone all decked out in makeup and a dress and heels and acting all cutesy and feminine while saying they're a boy, I just feel like I'm being made fun of or being made a mockery of.

Big?

is it just me or do y'all feel like your top is still to big?

Apologies

I submitted a confession and said Bruce instead of Caitlyn. Apologies.

Vacuuming?

U said something about 'vacuuming' it. I know what it is but what o u mean by vacuuming

Conundrum

I'm a closet trans who find myself caught in a similar Bruce Jenner conundrum - will transitioning cause my kids be ostracised in school? At the same time, if I don't transit, I feel that I am not being authentic, which I want my kids to be. Any gen-y/zer weigh in your opinions.

Not dysphoric but

I don't have dysphoria or anything, I'm okay with my body. Sometimes I like dressing up girly, but sometimes I like dressing up like a guy. But I know I'm not gender fluid because I would still like to be perceived as a guy. Is that okay? Or..???

Money is everywhere

Not really a question but a suggestion for those who cant afford top surgery. Fitness Challenges (gyms or meetme) Under-the-table work (fix things) Fundraisers Its all about the hustle (legal or illegal) #TryItAndSee #MoneyIsEverywhere #PeaceOut

As a black transman of color..

... I am afraid of being attacked or killed by police or over-vigilant people with weapons. This is my biggest fear next to losing my entire religiously conservative family. 

My birth gender offered me about some protection. My actual gender offers me none. I am not physically powerful and use a cane. I am also afraid this will invite attackers who wish to take advantage of my physical weakness to prove themselves.

Cis envy

Cis men have it easy in life. What they say goes, it’s their way or the highway, and they know it all, and they hold it all over everyone else’s head!

Can't tell grandma

I came out to my parents and some friends some time ago, but I can´t get up the courage to tell my grandma. I´m so much closer to my grandma than I  am to my parents. I feel it´s harder to tell someone that you can´t ever fulfill their expectations if you love that person so much more than any other being. I know she will love me in the end, but it´s just so terribly hard to make the first step.

Scream

i'm almost twenty and i consider myself trans, but i identify publicly as a girl. i have no true friends and an abundance of family that would condemn me for being who i am and i'm so lonely i want to scream

Frust

Every time I see a cis man in the bathroom I get so frustrated that he doesn’t appreciate the dick he has like I want one.

Ways to come out to family?

Could anyone recommend ways for me to come out as trans to my family? (They seem pretty open and liberal, but I'm still somewhat unsure of how they would react. I'm afraid, but not afraid enough to stay closeted around them for much longer. I think I would go insane.)

Help?

Hi I recently came out as trans (to a part of my family, handful of friends and well, now tumblr xD) I only know one trans-guy (I hate using that word!) and we've become good friends. But I don't want to bother him all the time with all my questions. So I'm looking to meet some more people that have/are in my situation. I was just wondering if you would be able to guide me through the process? (I know it's different for everyone) I'm just waiting for my first therapy appointment :) thanks :)

That binder shop in Singapore

I'm in Singapore for a few says now and all I can think of is this binder shop I've heard of being here. It's so near yet I know I'll never get a chance to go and buy one. Life sucks.

Thank you

I love this blog and it has helped me so much in coming to terms with myself, thank you

Trying to return support

Within two weeks of coming out to her, my mum offered to take me shopping for more comfortable clothes. I was so thankful that she was being so supportive and really wanted to show her that. I tried so hard to be in a good mood but it was really stressful. My bandages kept coming undone around my chest and my hips were making it hard to find fitting clothes and I ended up breaking down and shutting off a bit. I feel so guilty because she made a huge effort to help me be more comfortable and I feel like I ruined it.

I Feel Bad About Other Trans Guys

I feel really dickish because I’m a transguy who passes, and I just went to a new school where all my old class mates accept me and won’t tell so no one knows I’m trans (roughly four hundred people who don’t know) so I’m just assumed male, and I’m pre T as well.

And I feel bad because I read all these stories about other trans guys who don’t pass and who are kicked out and I’m just here like the opposite.

This might sound like a call for attention but I just want to say that I feel bad. I’m a trans guy yet the only thing I truly experience like them is dysphoria but mine isn’t that bad (most of the time it isn’t, there’s other times I feel completely terrible) because my body just kinda looks male and I don’t have curves and I have broad shoulders and a deep voice and male face and only very small breasts (I still hate them) and I just feel bad. I’ll never experience what they do and I feel privileged. Not that I want to feel what they do, but it’s hard because if I meet a trans guy I won’t be able to relate that well.

i'm desperately in love with him

... and he knows it, and loves me too. we're open, but call each other husbands. he helped me realise i was trans. but he's "gay" - as in, only for men born with dicks... and it kills me that he's not into me /sexually/ because i have a vagina. it's been five years. recently he started crushing on a cis guy and told me and i told him how inadequate it made me feel and he insists it'll go nowhere but i'm terrified i'm not good enough for him because i'm not cis enough

Time of Month (trigger?)

Every time my body commits treason it is a literal battle. I become physically ill to the point where I can’t function. It’s like my body is screaming that it’s not supposed to be happening. And I feel every fucking second of it.

I never hate my body as much as I do when it happens.

Less than a week until my T appointment. I just have to hold out for a little longer cause sometimes I feel like it’s gonna be the thing that pushes me over the edge.

Where are they?

I would love to date a MtF, every guy I've met has had a awesome personality and all around great people. Unfortunately, they're either taken or only date slender dudes. Where are the chubby chasers??

Don't wanna be a dick

I'm out in my high school (though I don't pass for anything except a butch lesbian) and the drumline I march with has been really supportive! They always make sure to use my correct name and pronouns- except this one guy. He's the only one who uses my birth name without apologizing and/or fixing it and I never want to correct him because I hate him (he has no work ethic and isn't improving as fast as everyone else as a result) and so I don't want to be a dick to him

Rather stay female

I’m scared that I’ll end up looking like so many trans guys I’ve seen online.

So many just seem to look like butch lesbians with deep voices. I wish I knew what I would look like post-transition. It’s something that is really putting me off coming out and transitioning…

I would rather stay female then get stuck in that weird in between.

How to tell my wife?

I am so afraid of telling my wife that I want a male partner, even though we are in an open relationship. She doesn’t like cis men and is only attracted to a rare few trans men.

Love and loss

Ten years ago I married the love of my life. As a woman. I’m so scared of losing what we have in the process of finding me.

Extreme penis envy

Is it normal for me to have extreme penis-envy? Not even the physical aspect of having one but when my girlfriend hangs out with her guy friends I always get extreme anxiety that she will prefer them to me simply because they have what I don't. She's extremely loyal and loving towards me and I know she won't do anything, is it still normal to be envious of her guy friends?

i just wanted her to like me

i met someone who i was instantly attracted to, she knows i’m trans.  i dont know how she thinks about me, but one night we were exchanging photos of ourselves.  she posted a naked one of her–covering up her nipples and with her legs closed.  i wanted to be close to her so i sent her a shirtless photo (i’m pre-top surgery).  and in the back of my mind, when we talk, i wonder if that changes how she looks at me.  (granted our first full conversation when we met was about bottom surgery) but i just feel like i got so vulnerable.  and i just want her to like me back and see these lumps as bags of fat–not the female anatomical word doctors use to label them.

I'm 100% trans ftm

... but since I'm not able to come out to my family I always find myself still calling myself by my birth name, but I don't respond to it with others it's just a mistake but it makes my dysphoria flare so much.

how i cope with my dysphoria

I am closet ftm but whenever I feel dysphoria I just search ppl who are transitioning that don't pass and look silly and I feel better about not coming out because ATLEAST I'm not embarrassing myself

Top surgery anxieties

I’m SO ready for top surgery but can’t afford it yet. Top surgery is almost all I think about. I got a second job recently to help me save up for surgery. But I’m nervous about the pain and the healing time because my day job kind of requires lifting and movement that isn’t conducive to my future post-op healing. So I’m already nervous about that…….but even being shirtless in front of anyone that’s not my partner, even a doctor or a surgeon, is really stressful to me.

Can't stop hearing it

My girlfriend called my junk a cooter one time over a year ago and she apologized and we both cried for an hour or so. Now we’ve stopped having sex and every time i try to get something going i hear her saying it over and over and i can’t push back the feeling that she doesn’t really see me as a man and the further i get into my transition the more it feels like she isn’t attracted to me and just resents me for bringing her into my struggle. I thought she was going to leave me the other day. That lead to some really bad thoughts.

My junk

recently i’ve been involved in a physical relationship with someone i’ve known since i was 6.  she identifies as a lesbian and has said that she doesn’t know if she can talk about my junk as if its hard (wants to use biologically accurate wording).  i hate this and i feel bad for continuing the physical relationship.

in love with a transman

Im bisexual woman and i think i fall in with a transman . Ive got questions that can not ask him. Does he get periods? Or talking about his sexual parts bothers him or not ??

Still a girl to parents

I feel like I’m not allowed to say I’m a guy because I was afab. My parents also say that until you get surgery your still the gender you were assigned at birth. Hearing them say that and being told I need to accept that I’m a girl is really upsetting. I hate it and how I’ll have to live in this body forever. Its really depressing.

STP in Singapore?

Hi. I am s transman from Malaysia. I want to find out if there is a place in Singapore where I can buy STP packer?

Hitler

My grandma told me as I was coming out that Hitler would have killed me 

Saving for top surgery

Everyone misgenders me all the time when I’m out. I don’t pass at all and I just don’t feel like I should even be here :/ worst part is, I have been saving for top surgery for a month now, I’ve got 5.20…😦

Femme boy blues

I’m starting to think that the reason it took me so long to discover that I was ftm is that I’ve always presented femme, even though something about my identity as female and my feminine body never felt right.

Depressed while trans

50 percent of the trans community deals with depression. 50 FUCKING PERCENT. I AM NOT ALONE, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS. WE WILL BE OKAY.

Eating is hard

One of the scariest changes about starting hormones was the mere thought of gaining weight. I am 2.5 weeks on testosterone but I have lost, not gained, weight. Boys have eating disorders, too.

On FTM p*rn

To the guy who asked about ftm p*rn -
theres always bonusholeboys on tumblr. you have to pay to watch their whole videos but the sneakpeeks are good too. and there is also TransboyNH on xtube. he doesnt have a ton of videos but theyre good and free.

Hate dating / no prosthetics problem

Whenever I pass to someone I’ve met and it’s come to the point where they ask if I’ve lost my virginity yet, I’ve always had to reply- “It’s complicated.” They’ve got all these ideas in their head on why it’s complicated, and I never fancy coming out with, “Oh it’s because I wasn’t born with a penis.”

Scared of T's side effects

I go in for my first T appointment tomorrow and I’m so scared because the side affects. I’m naturally really bad at controlling my anger and one of my brothers was bi-polar and my other brother was schitzophrenic. And it’s putting a lot of stress on my relatonshps with people around me. I don’t know what to do but feel I like I need T but I’m scared

Dad's tattoo

I’m afraid to change my name to something not similar to my birth name, cuz my dad got my initials tattooed on his arm, and I don’t want him to go through all of the trouble of changing it.

Trans friend

I just really need a trans guy friend who can understand my problems and be there with me through them.

Tips for a 14yo coming out?

I’m 14 almost 15 and I’m thinking about coming out soon to my parents. Any tips, story’s or anything would be nice. Thank you.

I'm afraid I'll never find anyone

Not just because I’m trans and I think it’d be hard to find someone willing to accept me and love me for who I am, but also because I was sexually harassed and now I’m terrified to be near anyone. Let alone be simply touched by anyone. What if I do find someone but I’m too scared to accept any relationship myself?

Sick with anxiety

Everyday before work I’m sick to my stomach with anxiety about my dysphoria. Makes me wanna die sometimes.

Time bomb

I once read that once you attempt suicide, it never stops being an option.

(My depression is better than ever. My parents support me. I’m on T. I aid my local trans community.)

There’s always this nagging thought that I’ll still end up killing myself if things get too sour.

(I’ve quit college for good. I’ll never afford surgery. I’ll never be totally independent. My two jobs want to fire me because I’m an HR time bomb. My trans community is dragging me down.)

And the scary thing isn’t dying. It’s disappointing everyone who’s invested their love, time, and money in me.

Moments of body ignorance

There are moments of days where I forget that my packer isn’t attached to my body, that I have breasts that, or that AMAB people don’t have breasts. I love these moments, but lately it’s been hurting more and more every time I snap out of one. I sometimes wish I would never snap out.

Hit me up on Kik!

Pre T transman looking for some mates !

Talk to me on Kik! SelfMadeMan1995 I’m friendly and love a chat !

Ex-gf wanted to "fix" me

*** Rape Trigger Warning ***
======================

My ex girlfriend got mad at me when I told her I was trans. This was a few months after we broke up. She said that meant she had never dated a real girl before. She said she was going to "fix" me and sexually abused and raped me. I'm too scared to tell anyone what happened even though I've hinted at it to one of my friends before. I still have to see her everyday at school. I'm starting t soon and am scared she'll do something again.

I'm scared all the time

I wish I wasn't a guy so life would be easy. I feel like sometimes I'm lying to myself I'm a woman because I was born in this body and it would be easier. When I come out as a man....everyone will disown me. I might kill myself. I'm scared. All the time.....

James, USA

How to transition in Singapore?

I recently stumbled upon a buzz feed article about Jamie Raines transition from T's. But I've did a small amount of research to get this in SG but there's very little resources available online. So if anyone can advise on how I can get thru to transition from female to male would be greatly appreciated.

[Singapore]

I have to get out

I need to transition, but I know that the moment I start, I'm going to lose my parents.  When I told them I had a girlfriend, my mom told me never to talk about it again, it was too much for them, I would ruin their reputation, and we haven't spoken about my life since then.

Every time I wear anything masculine, cut my hair, or accidentally reveal something that betrays my identity, I'm the instigator, I'm ""making waves"" and ""drawing attention"" to myself, and I'm guilt-tripped back into the closet.  I'm 24 years old and I feel like I'm suffocating.

I've been planning for the past year and saving money, and the moment I'm financially stable, I'm going to cut ties.  I'm scared.  I don't know who's going to hire me or where I can live, but I have to get out.

[USA]

Sick of lying..

I'm started t 5 years ago. No one knows not my past as I've move away from where I grew up. I don't know now if I want to be open about it it stay stealth.. Cause staying stealth sometimes feels like carrying a burden on my shoulder all the time.  I know I don't need to explain/report to anyone. But it's just the fact that I need to lie from time to time and I'm sick of that.

[UK]

Terrified of coming out

I'm terrified of coming out as trans because I'm a very feminine person, the way I speak and act is very "girly" I guess ... I want to come out but I don't think anyone would take me seriously considering what I'm like, it also makes me feel like I'm too feminine to be trans and that I'm just faking it

[Norway]

Hairy Latino

Being latino, I've always been fairly hairy. I used to shave obsessively (even my hands!). I've been letting my hair grow and it's surprising how much there is. I've found it lessens my dysphoria and I think of it as a good thing now. 

Healthcare

With all the political talks going in Singapore now, what i'm looking for is only healthcare, that includes trans. 

Transitioning in Singapore?

Hello I'm a transman that's not from singapore, I prefer to not disclose my country as the LGBT community here are not openly accepted. Wish to start my transition in singapore :-)

Currently pre-T and 20 years old, saw few posts here about Ts, just wondering how much will the T shots costs and will I have to go through psychologists in order to diagnose me before starting T?

Approximate prices will help me alot, thanks admin for posting this and for all your answers.

It's taking forever

It's been more than 2 years since I have the first stage for my bottom surgery and is still not over. I felt so frustrating and my life have been basically been put on hold. I get emotionally time to time that is still not over. Looking at all the scare I've gain from my lower surgery sometimes make me feels like what the f*** I'm going with myself. Sigh, I can wait for this to be over. It's taking forever. 

Never settle

I'm gay but i love this girl?

I’m in a committed relationship with a woman, and have been for a while, but I’m afraid that when I transition I’m going to be a gay ftm, because most of the time I feel like I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body, but at the same time I really love this girl and don’t want to lose her and I’m so unsure of what to do.

codywillow answered: If you feel that you really love this girl, then I’m sure you’ll still love her regardless of your body. Love is so much more complicated that black and white. 

wildisthewolf answered: Love is love! You may very well be gay, but being gay will not detract your feelings for *this particular* individual. Sexuality can be a moving target. 

charliefromscratch answered: My gender therapist is ftm, and he has always stated that he feels like a gay man, even though he is in a relationship with a woman. You can self identify however you choose and still be with her if you love her. Being with her wouldn’t negate that. 

thevoicestories said: I am a gay man in a woman’s body too. I have learned that romance and sexuality are not the same thing. I feel in love with two girls (not at the same time). I believe i am panromantic and still gay. Yes it makes things difficult but it made me Feel a lot better to know that it isn’t uncommon and totally not strange or weird.

silver-and-stardust answered: I wouldn’t worry about it till it happens man, there’s a lot of reasons we can feel like a “gay guy in a girls body” and some of it can just be feminine stereotyping of gay guys, and don’t forget bi is always an option too depending on your feelings! 

Don’t get caught up in labels. Love breaks down any sort of barrier that anyone can build. If you love her, be with her. It’s only for you to decide. But don’t stay with her because you think is right. You need to give her a fair life, as you both deserve! -- ftmtransgendersupport 

Trans* Twin Stories

I’m drab and a twin. My sister is hugely supportive of anything LGBTQ and I love her for that. In my head, I know she’ll support me when I come out to her. But I don’t want this twin bond thing to go away, because we lack this one thing. I’m scared it’ll be too tough for her to accept that her twin sister, whom she’s been steadily growing closer to over the years, isn’t actually that at all. 

This sounds familiar!!  When my identical twin brother came out, I was happy and worried (only because being transgender did NOT sound easy at all), and absolutely not surprised.  I knew I’d never had a normal, girly sister; I’d interacted with my twin as I would with a boy ever since middle school.

Once he came out, his life and his outlook changed drastically for the better.  Our bond grew stronger as he transitioned, and he became more confident and happier. --insertcaffeine

I’m a twin too and when I came out to her she was very supportive. She told me that to her I was always her brother. She supports me when I need someone to talk or feeling down in fact it strengthened our twin bond because we got closer l.  --912-love

Hunny your sister will love you no matter what. My twin sister (im male) are super close. Plus if ur sister fully supports LGBTQA+ she will totes understand  --Bennett Smith

I am a transman and I’m attracted to androgynous women/men and I'm afraid I'll be ridiculed

…and I feel like if i’m open about that i’ll be emasculated and assumed that I still want to be a “lesbian”. My partner is very fluid in her gender expression and is teased when she dresses “boy-ish” by a few of her really feminine friends and ask if I care about how she looks, when in fact I love how she looks, I love androgyne. Is it terrible of me to admit that to my cis-male friends? I’m afraid i’ll be made fun of..

raleighthebird said: I am a trans man who has been struggling with this for a very long time as well. It’s nice to come across someone who has the same attraction to androgynous woman as a trans man. 

Transphobic family won’t let me get a “mans haircut”

I need to get this off my chest so I’m sending this here. I’ve identified as a genderfluid for years. I have a transphobic/homophobic family and I’m not allowed to get a “mans haircut.” I wear a binder everyday and men’s clothes. I’m a closet transgender. I haven’t told anyone yet and I’m too afraid to tell my friends and girlfriend. I’m 16 and have decided that the moment I can move out I’m going to get a haircut and come out. I’m just scared that people won’t accept me, and I already know I’m going to lose my family. 

rainbowredo said: If they won’t let you cut your hair “like a man”, you could look for longer hairstyles for men? If you get a shoulder length haircut you could both pass and not have a “man’s haircut” (or, alternatively, get photos of celebrities with short hair) ^^ 

I identify as FTM and my bro is gay

transmanconfessions:

I need to get this off my chest so I’m sending this here. I’ve identified as a genderfluid for years. I have a transphobic/homophobic family and I’m not allowed to get a “mans haircut.” I wear a binder everyday and men’s clothes. I’m a closet transgender. I haven’t told anyone yet and I’m too afraid to tell my friends and girlfriend. I’m 16 and have decided that the moment I can move out I’m going to get a haircut and come out. I’m just scared that people won’t accept me, and I already know I’m going to lose my family. 

Hey there. I identify as FTM and my bro is gay. I’m still in the closet by choice  but my bro came out to my parents a decade ago. I’m from a conservative family. It took them a couple of years to accept it but they did come around.

Fear is a real bitch. What you can do is to write down all the possible scenarios that might happen, plan for those scenarios and build a supportive network around you. The reason for the fear is unpreparedness for what might happen. You don’t need to feel compelled to come out ASAP - give yourself time to prepare. 

As for friends who will ditch you - haters will be haters. Find the true friends who will love you for who you are. Find it in you to love yourself.

http://venyal.tumblr.com/post/125773973074/transphobic-family

A case of bad wording and high confusion

Hey, I just turned trans and I’m wondering how do I meet women?

I used to be a very flamboyant sexual energised lesbian and now I’m a scared closed off introverted man. I feel like I’m lying to women if I flirt with them. Help? 

sincerelykarsen answered: You don’t just “turn” trans, man. If that’s who you’ve always been, just rock it. Be honest straight up. Find an open minded person and let them get to know your soul. Your physical traits won’t be important if you’ve found your soul mate. 

closetkazeftm said: Be yourself love yourself and let the people that are supposed to be in your life present themselves the only love that’s important in the beginning of a transition is the love you grow for yourself👑❤️ 

azzy-fox answered: If you feel like flirting may be going somewhere (and you’re not immediately viewed as male), let them know what’s up. You have to decide who is and isn’t worth telling you’re trans, especially when dating is in play. Shoot me an ask anytime hon! 

caleocookie said: The point in where you are expressing your interests for each other but still haven’t made any commitments is the bet time. 

caleocookie answered: After enough flirting and you are considering becoming serious, then flirting happens less and serious conversation happens more. If you trust her with this information, just let her know you are trans. 

domsofar said: You don’t turn trans, dude. But talk to them the same, but know most women won’t mind but you do need to be prepared for them to be caught off gaurd or not be into it. Don’t take it personally, but make sure they know before it gets serous. 

Hey I just turned trans and I'm wondering how do I meet women?

love-struck-philly:

transmanconfessions:

and I’m wondering how do I meet women? I used to be a very flamboyant sexual energised lesbian and now I’m a scared closed off introverted man. I feel like I’m lying to women if I flirt with them. Help? 

You are not lying to anyone! Keep in mind that by realizing that you are trans, you are embracing who you’ve always been in a new way, not becoming a brand new person. Flirt as normal, and treat women with respect- you probably know firsthand how it can feel to be hit on by a man so make use of your past experience and let it educate how you approach the women you are interested in. If you are comfortable with doing so, you may find some luck in lesbian spaces such as gay bars since you know a good majority of the women there will probably be into what you are packing if things get serious down the line (plus, the LGBT community is a little more likely to know what being trans means). At the same time, respect yourself as well, and don’t put up with anyone who puts you down for being trans or who disrespects your body and own personal desires and boundaries. It is one thing to be uneducated and willing to learn, it is another thing to be openly transphobic and harmful.

If things start getting hot and heavy, feel free to let them know what’s up and go from there. The important thing to keep in mind is that some women will be attracted to people with vaginas but not a male mind, and some women will be attracted to people with vaginas as well as a male mind. If a girl isn’t interested in you because you are a man even though you have the parts she is interested in, try not to take it personally. You can be attracted to a gender separately from a sex. For example, I am a transman who is pansexual but attracted to the female gender. That means I am interested in sex with anyone regardless of their parts and how they relate to them, but more comfortable being in an actual relationship with a cis or transwoman. Hopefully this makes sense! Romantic and sexual orientations are a complex subject with infinite combinations. It is 100% possible to be trans and have a healthy relationship. (Also, if she is interested in someone with a penis, you can always remind her that strap-ons are a thing, if you are comfortable with using one! I personally joke that being trans means I can literally tailor my dick to the tastes of the receiver. I feel like a radical pleasure cyborg and it’s awesome.)

Just like with cis dating, it can take some tries and failures before finding someone you are compatible with, and just like cis dating, never settle for someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and/or who hurts you on a regular basis and is unwilling to work with you and learn how to treat you right. A relationship is a two/multi-way street and requires equal effort from everyone involved. The effort that goes into making it work should not be entirely your burden, you know? Go at your own pace and treat both your boundaries and your ladyfriend’s boundaries with respect, that is all anyone can ever expect of anyone else when it comes to dating. Be yourself! And again, you are not lying to anyone.

Approaches to dating will be different for everyone but this is my personal take and I hope it helps at all. :) Be safe, and good luck!

staying alive

The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is that I know my mom will be very sad 

thelifeofkaiblog said: My boyfriend & I feel like this about each other. I don’t think I could do it, but my boyfriend probably could :/ When he’s depressed, he says he’s fed up of living for other people, but he also says that I keep him alive - so it’s needed sometimes. 

My grandma just called me a spinster because I never have a boyfriend…

 I just don’t have the energy to explain her I am a gay transman and am still figuring everything out… Don’t want to jump in a random relationship without being comfortable with myself… Her saying that hurts more than I expected

thelifeofkaiblog said: If your grandma won’t understand your trans status, it may help a little that she will still see you as a masculine “hetero” when you date a guy, in the future. You know who you are, though, and that is worth more than her opinion. 

venyal said: I hear you. what people say are just perceptions, and they don’t define you. What hurts is a lack of acceptance and understanding from the ones you love. Find refuge in those who love you as you are. Sending love your way. 

I'm living with people whom i love, but

they not seeing who I am. For many reasons I gotta stay in the closet for some time. And there is no transman support group where i am. The loneliness is unbearable. anyone struggling with loneliness?

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i feel like i’m slowly killing myself

binding until my ribs ache, starving myself in order to maintain a too thin androgynous appearance, staying inside to avoid being misgendered or judged. this body feels like a battlefield, like i’m some kind of disease it’s trying to reject… i feel so run down and tired. i just want to be who i am, but there’s so many obstacles and it’s overwhelming.

hate myself

All I can see when I look at myself is a guy's face but almost nobody I'm out to calls me by the right pronouns and when I'm binding people who don't know me still think I'm a girl and i hate it and kinda myself for it

Genderqueer?

Names Marcel. Genderqueer. I Dunno bout most of you but sometimes being genderqueer sucks cuz I feel like I don’t fit anywhere… 

Like I still question if I’m trans and if I am i dunno if I could ever have the guts to go through the transition, and if I’m not I feel like people in the straight and gay community look at me like I’m just another trend following confused girl… 

Even people in the gay community look at genderqueer and trans questioning people like they are just another trend.. Like I can’t even be open about my name change cuz I’m afraid of people not respecting it. I don’t want to face the embarrassment… 

How do you get past people judging you for…basically not knowing who you are yet? 

BJ fantasies

I feel like since transitioning (2 years in less than a month on hormones, pre-op ) I'm open to ALL sexes and identities where as before transitioning I wasn't, what's wrong with me? Im having fantasies giving blow jobs to cis males gay and straight

Much love

Love the blog. Much love my friends👌🏼😀

— jesuisunours