Worried about finding a job

Hi,
As a pre-T foreign transgender student in Sg, I would like to ask if there are any complications in finding jobs or getting an EP in Sg as a transman. I'm about to graduate and I can't wait to transition but I'm worried about finding job and EP issues. If anyone has been through this or know anyone with similar situation, it would be really really great to have some advice. Many thanks. :) (Singapore)

Attracted to FTMs

I am a femme at heart. I have always been attracted to FTMs. I hope to have a family with him.

Tomboy Sha. (Singapore)

Demi-Homoromantic Gray-asexual or demiromantic Homosexual... who can't stand vaginas

So... I'm a gay transboy and if you ask, I've identified as such since the third grade. My sexuality however... was always confusing to me. I knew I liked boys but for most of my years I couldn't accept it because I was taught that I wouldn't be a real transboy if I still found attraction to other boys. It wasn't until the last year of middle school that I found that it was okay. That I was not the only trans gay boy. So I was content for a while. That is... until a friend of mine who also happens to be trans confessed to me. I harbored no feelings for him so I said no, feeling guilt but also knowing I did the right thing. Yet... The thought of dating another trans guy was new to me, something I never thought about before.
Also to clarify, I sort of clash between Demi-Homoromantic Gray-asexual or demiromantic Homosexual... I just can't really identify as one just yet.
Anyways... a few years after that I may have requited his feelings (may bc tbh I still don't know if it was out of pity or me trying to believe I loved him). And everything was great except he was... more sexual than I thought.
I'm still a virgin, so you know how that went, but when we tried...
I felt... sick? And I feel so horrible that I did because it wasn't the intimacy that disgusted me it was because... I just can't stand vaginas...
There. Thats what this confession is about.

And I feel so bad.
Because I'm okay with the thought of dating transguys because their guys... but if it were to become sexual I.
Just can't do it.
I remember those videos they'd show you when they taught puberty and I'd feel the same sick revolting feeling looking at the video to any vagina.
Thats why Im not sure how to identify myself.
Cause I know I'm not totally asexual, but if I were to label myself as gay yet can not feel sexually attracted to a trans guy (who did not undergo bottom surgery) than... how is that fair?
I'm at least 80% sure Its because I can't stand my own nether regions but I feel like that's a shit excuse.
Yet no matter how I try... if i just LOOK at a vagina I feel like gagging? That may seem as an exaggeration but I assure you that its far from it.

I don't want to make it seem as I look at Transpeople (or any other persons) as walking genitalia because I don't. I know that I am 100% alright with dating any guy cis or trans. But if we were to be sexual... I would never pull through much less start with a transboy.
And before you ask, "what about transgirls?" I'll be clear now that I do not find girls sexually or romantically appealing no matter the genitalia.

It just... bothers me so much you know? Seeing posts about how people should accept the genitalia of a transperson makes me go "Hell yeah! Make us feel valid!" But then make me shortly realize... I'm a hypocrite. And I just wish I wasn't.
That I could have sexual relations with a boy cis OR trans.

I also found that being 'penis-repulsed' and 'vagina-repulsed' being a real thing. So this is where the Demi-homoromatic gray asexual came from. Because with finding that those two terms were real that only asexuals can label themselves as such. Yet... calling myself a vagina-repulsed Demi-homoromantic gray asexual seemed kind of... dehumanizing to transboys. Like? An out for someone to be "transphobic". And when I realized that, I once again felt disgust for myself.

Someone please answer me. Tell me how I can fix this because I've done all I can. I can't keep trying to fit myself into a category to only make me feel worse. But I don't want to hurt or offend others too.

Or if maybe... that it's okay?
Fuck, I really don't know how to word this properly but-
Tell me if its okay to label myself as just a (demiromantic) trans GAY boy who just had no sexual attraction to those who own vaginas

Where to buy T online?

Does anyone know where to buy T online? I'm too young to get it through Dr Tsoi without parental consent, but...it's tiring, worrying about passing on the grace of a military undercut and dressing. (Singapore)

Trapped

I never want to go out. I just turned 18, and I'm pre-everything. Pre-t, pre transition, pre-coming out. I don't have many friends, and I'm currently unemployed. My sister always invites me out to socialize, but I usually turn her down. I'm miserable but I don't want to do anything. My family hasn't really noticed anything's wrong, I'm pretty good at hiding it. But I'm miserable. I keep telling myself I'll come out soon, I'll do it soon, any day now, I just have to sit down and write a letter to my parents, really soon. But I haven't. The idea of meeting people scares me, because I know that adding more people to my circle just means that's more people I'll have to come out to later. I feel trapped.

I'm not "in the wrong body"

it bothers me when people (cis and trans) refer to me as "in the wrong body." surprisingly lots of trans guys do it, asking if i wished i was "born a real man" and i just feel so shitty... the reason it took me until the age of 18 to realize i'm a trans man is because everyone told me you had to feel like you were "a man in a female body." my body's completely male, even if i have major dysphoria; my parts aren't "wrong," just different. and they don't make me any less of a man. but it's hard to remember that when people both in and out of the community tell me otherwise :/ (USA)

My body doesn't belong to me

Sometimes I feel like my body doesn't belong to me.
I feel like my body should be flatter and that i should look like more of a man. Everything about my body feel foreign and strange when i really look at it. I can't wait until i start T so i can finally fell better in my own body

I want to get brainwashed and forget everything

I regret I ever told anyone! I have never felt so humiliated! My boyfriend was pretending the whole time that he supports me and want me to be happy and after a year he got drunk and said he doesnt want me to go to transition. It was when I had already came out our friends, my family and his family (who by the way condemned me and his father doesnt want me to work for him anymore if undergo transition). I dont know how to live with him anymore and I cannot leave hime either, its not so easy. I cannot shift back to woman like he had known me before because a lot of things changed. I want to get brainwashed and forget about everything. I hate this life so much. I want undo. I want to return to time before comingout and live that shitty repressed - but relatively balanced - life before I came out. Now I got mess in my head, people look strangely at me, I became freak for them and I dont see the way out - in regards to my inner attitude. Tell me how to undo in my head? (Eastern Europe)

Any advice?

I'm ftm trans and transgender individuals in my country are unable to receive sex change operations or change their names or legal statuses. Any advice? (Armenia)

Teen mind stuck on having kids

I'm transmasc, but nonbinary. I'm also pre-everything for now. Anyway, it seems like sometimes my mindgets stuck on having kids, like actually giving birth to them,names,what they would look like depending on which of my DFs is the other parent. I feel so bad and it makes me feel less masculine. I'm only 16,why does this happen? I really shouldn't be having these thoughts, I'm not even out of high school

F**k you

I posted you my story week ago and you didnt give a fuck to publish it, fuck you

Am I a fraud?

Am I really a fraud if I am more of a home-orientated, wanting be a "mommy", okay with my chest and love to dress sexy in a feminine way? (Singapore)

Struggling with demons

I am FTM trans, 27, pre-everything, and I've been struggling with my own demons for 2 years since I came out to a few people. The thing is, reactions of them are supportive because they are friends, I live as a man since then, I totally like it and I can say I started to be happy for the first time in my life and I am pretty successfull to pass as a guy, which makes me quite comfortable with myself for the first time. BUT I dont have a courage to take another step for transition. I live in a very conservative catholic country, there are problems with it in society and doctors and moreover after transition I would live openly as gay with my boyfriend (which is our common nightmare, but he supports me anyway) - now I have female name and nobody can say a word even though I look as a boy. I am not able to overcome fear of what would happen in the worst scenarios. I would be treated badly at university and work, bullied, laughed at, family would turn its back on me or they would treat me with contempt. And there will be no undo. Detransition is the most humiliating thing I can imagine. I am afraid I won't be able to fulfill demands and expectations as a man. I know maybe anything of that would never happen, but I am chased by guilt, confusing thoughts, fear and anxiety.
If there's anybody who would like to talk about it, I'll be glad, I'm leaving my contact
thx (EU)

Giving out 2 binders

Giving out 2 binders (1 size L and 1 size S). Singapore, central area. (pic)

Left my contact with the admin.

Too self-conscious to make friends

My partner and I haven't been sexually intimate for a while but I've been very interested in hooking up with other people, especially because they have successfully formed intimate relationships with other people (we're poly). But whenever I imagine a scenario in which I'm meeting new people and getting to know them, I get too anxious wondering if I'll have to keep meeting people who don't understand my body and presentation as a trans man and don't respect my identity, and what if they think my stretch marks are gross or my shape is weird? What if my body hair confuses them? What if I'm not interesting? I'm lonely but I feel like I'm too self conscious to make friends.(USA)

Discrimination in sports

From what i saw, when a transman joins an only male competition, sports/gaming/etc , hardly anyone comments.
When a trans woman joins an only female competition, the hates receive goes from earth to pluto. People just assume males are always stronger/smarter/better than female in all aspects, this is all so wrong. (Singapore)

How to ask this boy out?

I'm thinking about asking a boy out soon, but I'm scared of what he'll think of me being trans. I'm not out to anyone at school and I don't want to be out yet, and because of that I know he sees me as a girl. And he's said before that he's not gay, which sort of still gives me a chance (since he thinks I'm a girl) but I'm scared that would he would not take the 'im a trans boy' news too well. I don't want coming out to him to mean he starts looking at me different. I know that if I came out well into our relationship he'd probably accept me but it still scares me. (Canada) 

I'm a "bad transsexual"

Non-dysphoria dysphoria

I'm a very feminine FTM to the point where I am scared of transitioning. I find my body beautiful, i'm afraid that transitioning to a more masculine body will make me ugly. But my assigned gender is so wrong to me, being called a girl or a woman makes me feel disgusting. I hate my breasts and my vagina, but I love looking feminine and pretty. To top it all off, i'm gay and I know 99.99% of cis gay men won't even consider me/ think i'm a liar / think i'm a "fag hag"
My mostly non body dysphoria and homosexuality makes me feel like i'm a "bad transexual" who will always be alone.  

Where to get proper HRT for MTF in Singapore?

Where can i go in Singapore to get proper HRT treatment for MTF ? I need a doc that will monitor my hormones level and prescribe hormones according to that, will government endocrinologist do that ? are they allowed to ? I've been with Dr Tsoi for about a year now, he never asked for a test on my hormones level, i've been given a pretty low dose for a year now, 2mg estro 50mg spiro. I'm kinda getting worried that that does might not work good enough even tho there are changes. i have yet to see anyone with the same dose as me. it just feels like he's trying to placate me. i am very sure that i would be taking this road for the rest of my life, now i'm feeling really worried. Would really appreciate some help.

Gonna make my own T

I'm planning on doing making and taking my own T. Everything I have read keeps saying I need to do it legit, but I just don't think I can wait anymore. I really hope it goes well.

I'm afraid that I'm not really trans

I'm really afraid that I'm not really trans- that i went through this whole pain and experience for nothing. I'm scared that maybe I really was influenced to be this way just like my parents said.
But another part says that thats not even possible and that I really am a transguy and that this whole "you were influenced" argument was my parent's excuse because they didnt wanna acknowledge that i really was. 

Everyone says my name is ugly

I really like my newly picked out name but when I hinted at the name everyone told me it was ugly and now I'm kinda scared to tell people to call me this name instead of my old one. 

Mom says I ruined everything

After I came out, my mom sobbed and told me I had ruined everything she had worked for. She scared me so badly in terms of the stuff she said that I told her I'd change back (as if it were possible) but obviously I didn't, I only pretended to. I dont know if I can bring myself to move out once I graduate or turn 18. I feel like my mother really wants to keep me with her to make sure I dont "screw up" again but I can't live here AND transition. Everyone tells me to forget about her but she's my mom.

Wish I could see the happy ever after

I wish I could see the happy ever after me and my transmasculine genderqueer partner but, the truth is, I am terrified. I can't imagine us having a family without thinking about my fertility options (pretty much limited to a non-related sperm donor based on conversations with my partner) if I want to have a biological baby of my own (which I do). I can't imagine a future where my partner has transitioned so far along (currently at 5 months) that they're not recognisably trans* any more and we're viewed as a heterosexual couple by strangers. I can't imagine whether top surgery will fix my partner's world or whether dysphoria will claim other parts of their body and we will have more years of wait times and appointments and surgery and recovery. I can't imagine a future in which all of this has happened to us and my partner has got to such a good point in their life that they've been able to focus on themself and their career goals and their dreams and we've started to build a world we're both proud of. The constantly changing flow of transition feels like everything is fluid and temporary, and what if I am too? What if we don't make it? I love them more than anything in the world right now and I can't bear the fact that there's no guarantees with any of this and so much is unknown.

Fascinated with ladyboys

i am having fascination on lady boys. keep having lucid dreams bout them. argghhh... it's killing me. I identify as straight transman. Wondering is this normal?

Shaving

Being latino, I've always been fairly hairy. I used to shave obsessively (even my hands!). I've been letting my hair grow and it's surprising how much there is. I've found it lessens my dysphoria and I think of it as a good thing now. 

Trans healthcare

With all the political talks going in Singapore now, what i'm looking for is only healthcare, that includes trans. 

Start transitioning in Singapore?

Hello I'm a transman that's not from singapore, I prefer to not disclose my country as the LGBT community here are not openly accepted. Wish to start my transition in singapore :-)

Currently pre-T and 20 years old, saw few posts here about Ts, just wondering how much will the T shots costs and will I have to go through psychologists in order to diagnose me before starting T?

Approximate prices will help me alot, thanks admin for posting this and for all your answers.

Bottom surgery frustration

It's been more than 2 years since I have the first stage for my bottom surgery and is still not over. I felt so frustrating and my life have been basically been put on hold. I get emotionally time to time that is still not over. Looking at all the scare I've gain from my lower surgery sometimes make me feels like what the f*** I'm going with myself. Sigh, I can wait for this to be over. It's taking forever.