second guessing

i came out to my mom almost a year ago, and i honestly didn't and still don't know how to take her reaction. she didn't immediately agree(?) with is and just kept asking questions like i was sure. and honestly all that did was make me question myself more. like i know i want to use he/him pronouns, i want to go by my chosen name, i want a flat chest (physically not just binded) and want to present as a boy. she mentioned she would let me get top sugery if i went to therapy for it first, which scares me bc i feel like its more or less going to make myself question and second guess myself more. and i asked if could go on T for just 6 months just to help with my voice dysphoria but she got really like upset? and said no bc she works with a trans man who's been on T for years and "still has the same voice" and she doesn't want me to get permanent results incase i "regret" it. (on a side note with said coworker my mom still misgenders them). i'm only 16 soon to be 17 and i know i just have to wait a few more years before i can take control myself, but i don't feel comfortable doing this while still living at home, but moving out would take a long time, and leaving for college would cost a lot of money. i have really super supportive friends and that's more than what most people have, but my other trans friends have suportive family and it just makes me so jealous seeing them be so open at home. like im still struggling to get my mom to use my chosen name more. and ever since i came out it feels like she purposely emphesizes my "female" pronouns more. some days are just worse than the others and i want these feelings to go away.

Afraid of losing sensation down there

3 years on T and 2 years since top surgery. I want to get bottom but am a bit afraid of losing sensation down there.. anyhows, hit me up if you want to make friends or chat or meet up. Am thinking of gathering us few awesome unique people to maybe go for coffee and chat. transbrosg@gmail.com

life is really unfair

//vent time//
i’m a 14 y/o transboy who lately came out to his mom who…is really transphobic. she wont let me even get a haircut or buy a new sports bra to flatten my chest a bit. my dysphoria is there 24/7 and i cant do anything about it. she makes me feel so gross for “wanting to be a guy”. i hate it.
i knew i was trans for about a year, i was questioning my gender since i went to primary school.

…meanwhile there is another transboy who imidiatelly after realising he was trans (about 1 months ago) he came out to his parents and they turned out to be really supportive. i tried to ignore it until…he got a top surgery. A TOP SURGERY. a 16,000zł (zł is a polish currency) (i live in poland tbh) top surgery. THEY MANAGED TO GET HIM A TOP SURGERY IN 2 MONTHS DONE BY ONE OF THE TWO SURGEONS IN POLAND THAT ACTUALLY SPECIALISE IN THAT.

so yeah i’m really fuccing done with my life and dysphoria is making me unable to function properly, i would give anything just to get a 5$ binder from amazon (tbh i dont care if it will break my ribs and kill me, if it will flatten my chest i’m getting it and i’m wearing the shit out if that), i dont care anymore about my health, i harmed myself before many times, why not do it again jUST TO GET RID OF THE DYSPHORIA PLEASE SOMEBODY TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME

i know so many people have it worse than me. i’m sorry.

//end of vent time//

Surgery for One

It’s my process, it’s my journey and giving myself the shots was quite the adjustment, its almost effortless now. Despite wanting to end the dysphoria, can I really do it alone? I’m kind of tired doing it alone but I’ll continue anyways, I just get scared & uneasy. I accept however I must go thru it but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I had a hand to hold

Hysterectomy in Singapore?

Hi all,

Wanna ask if anyone did their hysterectomy in Singapore & whether they are able to get the letter for gender marker change after the procedure. Does doing it under Self-sterilization Act make any difference?

Thanks.

Singapore

Any advice?

I'm ftm trans and transgender individuals in my country are unable to receive sex change operations or change their names or legal statuses. Any advice? (Armenia)

Wish I could see the happy ever after

I wish I could see the happy ever after me and my transmasculine genderqueer partner but, the truth is, I am terrified. I can't imagine us having a family without thinking about my fertility options (pretty much limited to a non-related sperm donor based on conversations with my partner) if I want to have a biological baby of my own (which I do). I can't imagine a future where my partner has transitioned so far along (currently at 5 months) that they're not recognisably trans* any more and we're viewed as a heterosexual couple by strangers. I can't imagine whether top surgery will fix my partner's world or whether dysphoria will claim other parts of their body and we will have more years of wait times and appointments and surgery and recovery. I can't imagine a future in which all of this has happened to us and my partner has got to such a good point in their life that they've been able to focus on themself and their career goals and their dreams and we've started to build a world we're both proud of. The constantly changing flow of transition feels like everything is fluid and temporary, and what if I am too? What if we don't make it? I love them more than anything in the world right now and I can't bear the fact that there's no guarantees with any of this and so much is unknown.

Bottom surgery frustration

It's been more than 2 years since I have the first stage for my bottom surgery and is still not over. I felt so frustrating and my life have been basically been put on hold. I get emotionally time to time that is still not over. Looking at all the scare I've gain from my lower surgery sometimes make me feels like what the f*** I'm going with myself. Sigh, I can wait for this to be over. It's taking forever. 

hesitant about surgery

i want top surgery, i want to go on T, and i want to be able to present myself as fully male in everyday life, but i guess i have a lot of fear about bottom surgery. i’m afraid of trying to do it and ending up with unsatisfactory results…

to me, a big thing is being able to present as male in public, well nobody is going to see what i have in my pants so it’s not nearly as central to my personal transition as T and top surgery, in my eyes.

i like to picture myself as fully male, but i just don’t know if i could ever make my body match my mental image, and i’m terrified that if i tried and it didn’t live up to expectations, i’d be more unhappy than ever. at least right now, it’s like a nice fantasy that hasn’t gone wrong yet.

i can’t be the only one terrified of bottom surgery, right?

bottom tech

I'm a top bi guy and when i cyber with my boyfriend, we describe everything like I have equipment I actually don't. While in the moment it doesn't bother me because it feels right, and he tells me he doesn't have trouble getting in the moment with me as far as pretending goes, but after the fact I just get this crushing dysphoria when I think about how I'll never really be anything BUT pretending. I wish technology for bottom surgery were improving faster because I don't think i can do this.

Money is everywhere

Not really a question but a suggestion for those who cant afford top surgery. Fitness Challenges (gyms or meetme) Under-the-table work (fix things) Fundraisers Its all about the hustle (legal or illegal) #TryItAndSee #MoneyIsEverywhere #PeaceOut

Top surgery anxieties

I’m SO ready for top surgery but can’t afford it yet. Top surgery is almost all I think about. I got a second job recently to help me save up for surgery. But I’m nervous about the pain and the healing time because my day job kind of requires lifting and movement that isn’t conducive to my future post-op healing. So I’m already nervous about that…….but even being shirtless in front of anyone that’s not my partner, even a doctor or a surgeon, is really stressful to me.

Saving for top surgery

Everyone misgenders me all the time when I’m out. I don’t pass at all and I just don’t feel like I should even be here :/ worst part is, I have been saving for top surgery for a month now, I’ve got 5.20…😦

It's taking forever

It's been more than 2 years since I have the first stage for my bottom surgery and is still not over. I felt so frustrating and my life have been basically been put on hold. I get emotionally time to time that is still not over. Looking at all the scare I've gain from my lower surgery sometimes make me feels like what the f*** I'm going with myself. Sigh, I can wait for this to be over. It's taking forever. 

A case of bad wording and high confusion

leg-lengthening?

I’ve seriously considered undergoing leg-lengthening surgery as part of my transition. I will be a six foot tall bearded soprano. #demiboygoals

What counts as SRS in Singapore?

Does a simple release of the clit count as srs to change legal sex in Sigapore? What are the srs requirements in singapore? And do you have to wait 1 year?

Definition of good

[Previous post]
I hear the bangkok surgeons ain't as great after all? Is this true?

[Submitted response]
What is your definition of "good"? Can stand and pee? have sensation? adult size penis? can have penetrative sex? surgeons have experience? have ftm clients almost daily? Price is lower than the west?

If the above is what you define as good, then Bangkok is good. Only 1 surgeon is good and world reknown.

If you just want top surgery, there are many good ones all over the world. Plenty of photos on the internet for ftm surgeries. Don't bother asking here as the majority in this page did not go under the knife.

Eager for top surgery

wondering is there any good and cheap top surgeons in singapore? there's few docs, but rarely seen their end results.

 -eager for top surgery

 -

A time before HRT & surgeries

transmanconfessions:

Before all this science and medicine, HRT and surgeries came along, how did trans people in the past deal with this? Did they merely dress up and played the part? How did they deal with body dysphoria?

There are a number of historical accounts of “passing women”[1] [2]. Usually, they are assumed to have cross-lived for some other reason, eg, to make a living in a male profession, join the armed forces, or marry a woman. It’s impossible to know how many of them would have chosen to transition as we understand it, but they elected to live at least parts of their lives as men, under penalty of brutal humiliation at best, if they were discovered. I can’t believe that some of them wouldn’t have identified as FtM and pursued treatment if the option had existed.


The historical accounts only include the ones who were “outed”, or who went back to living as women. I assume there were others who managed to stay under the radar.


Some of it is genetic luck. Here’s a video of author Norah Vincent promoting her 2006 book, “Self-Made Man”, about her year of cross-living without benefit of hormones. She’s 5’10, with a naturally deep voice. I’ve known a few tall, masculine-featured butch women who were consistently read as men by strangers, even though they didn’t want to be.



20 years ago, at the gender center support group, I met a guy in his 60’s who’d been living as a man for 40 years without any medical intervention. He’d managed to get ID with his correct info, back when it was harder for the government to track someone’s identity than it is now. He’d lived with a woman as her husband for decades, and they’d both told her son that he was the father. He lived in a blue-collar suburb, without a community of masculine-looking women for comparison. He was tall and angular, with a cigarette-cured voice. As far as he was concerned, he’d already transitioned on his own. The only reason he was visiting the gender center then was, he wanted to find out how to claim Social Security benefits for himself and his wife.


Musicians Billy Tipton and Willmer Broadnax are two 20th-century DFAB people who lived as men for most of their adult lives, who, as far as I can find out online, never used hormones, although the possibility existed during their lifetimes. Tipton was married to five women over the years, and raised children with at least one. Broadnax began his musical career with his brother, who apparently supported his male identity.


I hadn’t thought about this before, but perhaps a crucial element is having someone else who will vouch for your manhood. Having a third party introduce someone as their husband, brother, etc, and use a male name and pronouns probably went a long way to dispel any gender ambiguity.


I realize, looking back at your question, that you contrast resolving body dysphoria with “dressing up and playing the part”, which I interpret to mean living in the world as a man. I imagine people figured out methods for hiding their breasts and padding their crotches, if they thought they needed to do so to be recognized as men. But the concept of body dysphoria, distinct from gender dysphoria, is something I’ve only recently encountered. I don’t remember it from my own time pre-transition, and I’m having a hard time understanding it as a separate experience.


I don’t know much about the history of MtF transition, but many different cultures have independently come up with social roles for gender-variant DMAB people, so the idea has been out there long before HRT, etc.

- repost from BiggChronos