bottom tech

I'm a top bi guy and when i cyber with my boyfriend, we describe everything like I have equipment I actually don't. While in the moment it doesn't bother me because it feels right, and he tells me he doesn't have trouble getting in the moment with me as far as pretending goes, but after the fact I just get this crushing dysphoria when I think about how I'll never really be anything BUT pretending. I wish technology for bottom surgery were improving faster because I don't think i can do this.