hesitant about surgery

i want top surgery, i want to go on T, and i want to be able to present myself as fully male in everyday life, but i guess i have a lot of fear about bottom surgery. i’m afraid of trying to do it and ending up with unsatisfactory results…

to me, a big thing is being able to present as male in public, well nobody is going to see what i have in my pants so it’s not nearly as central to my personal transition as T and top surgery, in my eyes.

i like to picture myself as fully male, but i just don’t know if i could ever make my body match my mental image, and i’m terrified that if i tried and it didn’t live up to expectations, i’d be more unhappy than ever. at least right now, it’s like a nice fantasy that hasn’t gone wrong yet.

i can’t be the only one terrified of bottom surgery, right?