I want to get brainwashed and forget everything

I regret I ever told anyone! I have never felt so humiliated! My boyfriend was pretending the whole time that he supports me and want me to be happy and after a year he got drunk and said he doesnt want me to go to transition. It was when I had already came out our friends, my family and his family (who by the way condemned me and his father doesnt want me to work for him anymore if undergo transition). I dont know how to live with him anymore and I cannot leave hime either, its not so easy. I cannot shift back to woman like he had known me before because a lot of things changed. I want to get brainwashed and forget about everything. I hate this life so much. I want undo. I want to return to time before comingout and live that shitty repressed - but relatively balanced - life before I came out. Now I got mess in my head, people look strangely at me, I became freak for them and I dont see the way out - in regards to my inner attitude. Tell me how to undo in my head? (Eastern Europe)