Trapped

I never want to go out. I just turned 18, and I'm pre-everything. Pre-t, pre transition, pre-coming out. I don't have many friends, and I'm currently unemployed. My sister always invites me out to socialize, but I usually turn her down. I'm miserable but I don't want to do anything. My family hasn't really noticed anything's wrong, I'm pretty good at hiding it. But I'm miserable. I keep telling myself I'll come out soon, I'll do it soon, any day now, I just have to sit down and write a letter to my parents, really soon. But I haven't. The idea of meeting people scares me, because I know that adding more people to my circle just means that's more people I'll have to come out to later. I feel trapped.