[[[ Trigger Warning for domestic violence ]]]
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Hi everyone. Im a transman. An indian. Im here to seek closure and bear out all my sorrows.
Im from singapore. I've got a beautiful gf whom I've been dating for a yr and a half. Everything was going smoothly with occasional fights. My gf always emphasis that I shld remain as a butch. But cos of been humilated too much by her family her frens and by her ex bf and his family and frens. I was adamant of changing.
But of cos it was my dream too. T shots are making me aggressive. Thats what my gf claims. Every little things that gets screwed up she links it with me and my t shots. Recently she came clean that she dont wish to support my dream. I've been under depression as she keeps stressing me. Fights have worsen.
My rage have turned me into a monster. Ive become physically abusive twds her. She's getting out of hand. I love her too much and I didnt want to lose her. I realise I need to control my emotions. I tried seeking help.
Wherever I get a counsellor. She always reject the idea. She believes nth is wrong with her. When I suggest that mayb i should go alone. She doesnt agree to that. She keeps saying mayb it's she who might have provoke my rage. Im confused.
She's not been cooperative. Fearing that I'll lose her I seek counselling secretly. But yet another blow. Her ex bf and she had been secretly keeping in contact since last yr dec. Since the time I took t shots. He msged her saying he's sorry that he made her a lesbian and he wans her bac.
She's been liking all his single shots pics in instagram. She took me off fb and change all her pwds. Now everything seems to fall into places. She pissed me off to be in contact with him. Aft i lose my mind and whacked her badly. She started comparing me with her ex. Saying how great he is. How he dont whack her.
She called the cops. But somehow we cooled the matter. And she told me she wants me and she dont know y she entertain her ex. She dont want me to cont to b a transman. She dont have a valid reason too. Im diasapointed and hurt by what she had done. I can't make maself to forgive her. What can I do ?
I feel lost. She have controlled me not to chat with girls. I can't extend my frens circle by adding more transmen. I got no friends. I dont know what happened. Y she do that.
[Singapore]
It's not love if you need to beat someone up. And it's not love if she feels the need to control you. Your relationship sounds toxic and it's the last thing a transitioning person needs right now. People in transition need a lot of emotional support, which you are not getting from the person you supposedly love. I can't tell you what to do with your life, but if a good friend of mine came up to me and told me all this, here's what I would say:
ReplyDelete1) Dump the girl. If she loves you and wants to work on the r'ship, she would go for counseling with you.
2) Go for counseling. You need it. I have certainly benefitted from it in more ways than one.
3) Make friends with other transmen. It helps to know you're not alone.
choose someone who accepts you completely. leave the people who are not on the same page as yours. god bless u bro.
ReplyDeleteFirst, do not continue to physically abuse her. If the situation gets to that you can't control your temper then make measures to remove yourself from that situation. I understand you care for her but you cannot abuse someone that isn't respecting them as a fellow human being. Second as Jim said there's no point in hanging around people who do not accept you. This is what I've had to do with members of my family but I know otherwise it is of no help for either of us. It's hard but sometimes it's the right decision
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