Hey I just turned trans and I'm wondering how do I meet women?

love-struck-philly:

transmanconfessions:

and I’m wondering how do I meet women? I used to be a very flamboyant sexual energised lesbian and now I’m a scared closed off introverted man. I feel like I’m lying to women if I flirt with them. Help? 

You are not lying to anyone! Keep in mind that by realizing that you are trans, you are embracing who you’ve always been in a new way, not becoming a brand new person. Flirt as normal, and treat women with respect- you probably know firsthand how it can feel to be hit on by a man so make use of your past experience and let it educate how you approach the women you are interested in. If you are comfortable with doing so, you may find some luck in lesbian spaces such as gay bars since you know a good majority of the women there will probably be into what you are packing if things get serious down the line (plus, the LGBT community is a little more likely to know what being trans means). At the same time, respect yourself as well, and don’t put up with anyone who puts you down for being trans or who disrespects your body and own personal desires and boundaries. It is one thing to be uneducated and willing to learn, it is another thing to be openly transphobic and harmful.

If things start getting hot and heavy, feel free to let them know what’s up and go from there. The important thing to keep in mind is that some women will be attracted to people with vaginas but not a male mind, and some women will be attracted to people with vaginas as well as a male mind. If a girl isn’t interested in you because you are a man even though you have the parts she is interested in, try not to take it personally. You can be attracted to a gender separately from a sex. For example, I am a transman who is pansexual but attracted to the female gender. That means I am interested in sex with anyone regardless of their parts and how they relate to them, but more comfortable being in an actual relationship with a cis or transwoman. Hopefully this makes sense! Romantic and sexual orientations are a complex subject with infinite combinations. It is 100% possible to be trans and have a healthy relationship. (Also, if she is interested in someone with a penis, you can always remind her that strap-ons are a thing, if you are comfortable with using one! I personally joke that being trans means I can literally tailor my dick to the tastes of the receiver. I feel like a radical pleasure cyborg and it’s awesome.)

Just like with cis dating, it can take some tries and failures before finding someone you are compatible with, and just like cis dating, never settle for someone who makes you feel uncomfortable and/or who hurts you on a regular basis and is unwilling to work with you and learn how to treat you right. A relationship is a two/multi-way street and requires equal effort from everyone involved. The effort that goes into making it work should not be entirely your burden, you know? Go at your own pace and treat both your boundaries and your ladyfriend’s boundaries with respect, that is all anyone can ever expect of anyone else when it comes to dating. Be yourself! And again, you are not lying to anyone.

Approaches to dating will be different for everyone but this is my personal take and I hope it helps at all. :) Be safe, and good luck!