My roommate and I are both trans guys

but he's on T and I'm not, and I probably will never be able to go on T. 
But despite the fact that he's almost a year on T, I'm still more muscular than he is, and even though I try not to, I find myself lording it over him whenever I can. 
I feel terrible about it, but being muscular feels like it's the only thing in my life which makes not being on T feel tolerable, and I don't know how to stop being obnoxious about it.