Losing hope

i'm losing hope. i came out, and while my friends have been supportive to their abilities, i lost my partner over it. i live in a small town, and my family is not very supportive, so i'm constantly being misgendered in public, by my friends, and at home. my mental illnesses have been so debilitating that i'm not in school and i haven't been able hold a job. i don't have any interests that motivate me for the future, there's nothing i want to do except run away. all i can think about is how complicated it is being trans to protect yourself legally, like switching your gender markers, changing your name, etc, and how it's going to take a long time before i could start T, and even longer trapped wearing a binder... i never wanted any of this. i didn't ask for this. i don't want this. i don't want to be alive anymore, and i don't know what to do.

USA