never properly admitted

Hey, I've never properly admitted I'm a transman, I've tried to tell my partner and she just has said she can't love me if I am. I just lie and say I'm not. I've sort of told my mum and she was good about it, but asked did I really want to go through all the surgery. I keep feeling worse and worse about the whole thing. I wish I had known when I was younger. I feel I'm too scared to do anything now as I don't want to be rejected and end up with no one.