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28/08/2014

Profoundly disappointing results

I had meta-plus with a highly-regarded, top-dollar surgeon seven years ago. The results are profoundly disappointing. Usually I can ignore it. No one who's not a doctor has paid any attention to that part of my body since 1980 anyway. But when I see "it's a myth that it's not worth it...meta can totally pass in the locker room," etc, it's a crushing weight. You're seeing photos of exceptional results in the sweet spot after the swelling and bruising have gone down, before life sets in.

The doctors are going to show and tell you whatever will make them money. I paid 50K (US) for the shit sandwich. Am I the only one who feels this shame and anger, or are there a lot of other guys, each thinking they're the only one? I suspect that my results (think The Mons Pad That Ate Cincinnati swallowing a naked mole rat) are a lot closer to the norm than the pics shown at Gender Odyssey.

Misgendering

Don't blame someone for misgendering you when you don't pass.

[Singapore]

My hair looks damn weird

Hey guys, 
Im 18.. im a pre-op transwoman, currently two months on estro. Im starting to feel that im entering the 'neither here nor there' part of the gender spectrum, because my hair around shoulder length now, and i recently rebonded and it looks damm weird. 
Even my mom said it. She asked me how am i gonna answer to my relatives when they question my hair. 
Arghh, this is a hard journey...
Have any of you transman has problems like this?

[Singapore]

He was fascinated by my range

When I think back to the time when I began to seriously consider transitioning, I was driven by “gender dysphoria” rather than “sex dysphoria”. The phrase that summed it up in my mind was, “I want to live in the world as a man,” rather than dissatisfaction with particular parts or physical attributes. But my adult female voice was one of the specific gendered things that had just seemed wrong to me for a long time. Whenever I heard a recording, it was “too high,” although it was not high for a female voice. But I was surprised at how much I liked the sound of my post-transition voice after it had settled down. It didn’t go down much; I’m a lyric (high) tenor. But my voice began to sound “right” to me in a way it hadn’t before.

For about six months, some years ago (but well after transition), I took voice lessons from a teacher who had performed for a decade as a baritone with the Bavarian State Opera in Munich. His signature role was the The Dutchman in Wagner’s “The Flying Dutchman”. He favored the ‘stentorian” Wagner sound, as he put it. He was fascinated by my range, which went up to around F6 in vocal exercises, though I think Bb4 was the highest I ever attained in an actual song. I’d see phosphenes (those illusory darting silver lights behind the eyelids) from the pressure in my “mask” required to get as high and as loud as he wanted. He was excited about teaching me the tenor part to “William Tell,” which has 9 C5’s (tenor “high C”). He had no clue that I was trans, and I never told him, though I sometimes felt guilty about it.

I didn’t stay with it, because it was expensive, and I didn’t care enough to  put the work in. I’m not much of an opera fan, anyway. I did it to become a better choral singer. But it pleased me that my voice now had a valuable quality, simply because it was relatively rare.

BC

/in response to http://transmanconfessions.tumblr.com/post/94984347934/i-love-hearing-my-voice-now-when-i-speak-and-sing 

25/08/2014

Kids would ask me if I was a boy or a girl

Even when I went back in the closet for almost a year, grew my hair out to my shoulders, wore make up, and had a bra- kids would ask me if I was a boy or a girl. Their parents would act so shocked that they couldn’t tell. I think they have intuition. Like dogs or something. Almost every kid asked me. I now pass without fail until I speak… But no kid or adult questions me based on appearance and mannerisms.

[Jason]
in response to http://transmanconfessions.tumblr.com/post/94578832020/today-was-just-a-normal-day-at-work-i-work-in

Get a job first and do well

Allow me to share my story….

After i left uni, i aimed to transition at the age of 30 after i have save more than enough for backup. By the age of 29, i had the material things i want…a nice car , condo etc. However, thanks to certain unfortunate circumstances which i will not go into details, i sank into huge debts. I could no longer afford to upkeep my car and condo and even after selling those liabilities off, I was still in debt! I was devastated and was at the lowest point of my life. I did ponder ending my life but i told myself that things happen for a reason. It might be a test of my strength to see if i can handle being a man. It took me 4 years to pay off my debt,thanks to a well paying job. During the 4 debt ridden years in butch wear, andro office wear, i dragged myself to work and told myself i must endure the miserable times for the only way out that time to get out of debt and afford surgery was to stick to my job. The day i paid off my debt,i bought myself a bottle of wine to celebrate the good days in advance and made an appointment with the psychiatrist to start taking hormone. The following month, i tailored a men's suit,bought a few men's shirts and started dressing more manly to work. It was to slowly prepare my colleagues about my change. My boss and ex colleagues are aware of my transition. My boss doesn't give a damn as to him work and personal affairs don't go together. Some colleagues were supportive, some did not mention it and we continued to work together. (I'm not sure if people gossiped behind my back but i don't give a shit). I'm now in another company and only the hr lady who interviewed me know about my past.

I advise u OP, to get a job first and do well. Don't doubt that you can't be employed be it pre or post transition. It's actually easier to transition in your current job where your colleagues and boss already know you than move to a new job while u just started hormones and then attract gossips about a female growing more hair, voice getting deeper.

In order to have the money to transition, you need to think long term.... i.e.have sufficient funds for surgery and savings to tide u over in case you lose your job due to transitioning. In this era, It's highly unlikely as your work performance is more important than how u look. Assuming you really do get the sack or you will be unhappy in your job, at least you have relevant work experience by then.

If you are not able to get a well paying job, just get any jobs you can lay your hands on first. Always set aside money in the "transition funds" no matter how hard it is. Assuming you will not highly paid, when you want to buy something be it for yourself or to impress girls, ask yourself whether you really need it and will spending the $ on the girl gets you laid? Every single penny counts. Always spend your money on beneficial things like healthy food or enrichment stuff.

You have to ask yourself how badly you want to transition. I have to be direct here…fearing that you will not be employed shows that your intention to transition is not strong enough. When there's a will, there's a way! I would say luck plays a small part in my employment. The biggest part is that i believe i will still have a career. If i can't be employed,then i'll start a business. (being an insurance or real estate agent, doing network marketing falls under the category of being self employed too) There are many ways to earn money and worried about being unemployed is not your major concern. What you should be thinking about now is letting your family know about your plan, taking care of your health and saving up for your surgery. At least go for the first surgery so that you can change your ID. Next you can start to save up more to complete the transition.

Good luck and all the best! 

--
[Admin] This was one of the earliest submissions from when this page first started. I thought it deserves a re-post now that we have more followers. It was in response to this post: https://www.facebook.com/TransmanSG/posts/686449851413469?stream_ref=10

x Shay

This is our space

Can I just point out that the frequency of transwomen posts from this blog has been increasing lately? I don’t have a problem with transwomen venting but the dang blog says transman right on the thing this is our space

[Alexander]

22/08/2014

Teenage gay transman

Hey people! I'm a gay teen and I would like to ask if there are actually many transman who are gay? Or are the numbers very minimum?

[Singapore]

16/08/2014

Attending school with preferred name

Hi! I am 16 years old, not on T or had any surgery and I'm going to attend school as male, with both pronouns and name. I sent an email regarding the issue and talked with some teachers and the principal. We agreed on having a meeting before school, but decided it was not necessary recently.

15/08/2014

Who made that rule?

“People changed lots of other personal things all the time. They dyed their hair and dieted themselves to near death. They took steroids to build muscles and got breast implants and nose jobs so they'd resemble their favorite movie stars. They changed names and majors and jobs and husbands and wives. They changed religions and political parties. They moved across the country or the world -- even changed nationalities. Why was gender the one sacred thing we weren’t supposed to change? Who made that rule?”
― Ellen Wittlinger, Parrotfish

Not fitting in anywhere

 I feel like I don’t really fit in with my friends.. I dont feel like i fit in with the guys in the group but i also dont with the girls. it makes me feel lonely. like i dont really belong anywhere. life would be so much easier if i were cis. I wish i was born cis.

Mastectomy in Thailand

What is the estimate cost to do mastectomy in Thailand?
Is a psychiatrist letter mandatory? Last read that it cost USD 5,600 on hospital alone.
That's for Preecha Aesthetic Institute. Any recommendation?

[Singapore]

Pre-everything Malaysian in Singapore

Am a Malaysian, Sg PR.
Pre everything.
It would make more sense to be citizen first before I start any form of transition, yes?
Have been in sg for a decade more. So it's pretty much like home to me. It does affect me to live with all this female anatomy. But to minimise unnecessary paperwork, it seemed like the only way.

Any advice?


[Rae T, Singapore]

11/08/2014

In a bind

Hey Shay! I guess this could go up on Confessions, but in any case I've been thinking so much about the binder giveaway idea.
I've read about In A Bind, and it basically pairs giver to recipient. We could do this too - I think all we need to begin is an excel sheet. The problem is, I think we're going to be really, really short of donors, and would probably have a ridiculously long wait list.
Do we have any information about local supply and demand yet? I wish I could start a thread on this that everyone can see and comment on.
-M

--
Hi M. I read this earlier but didn't hv the time to reply until now. I've not heard of In A Bind - is it a support group / organisation and do they have a website I could refer to (and learn from)?
I personally don't have information on local supply and demand. This is something we could look into by joining forces with some of the local FTM groups.
I'm happy to have you start a thread here on Transman Confessions.
Let's keep this conversation going and do share with me what you have in mind. I'd like to see how far we can go with this idea.
x Shay

p/s:
Here's the page for In A Bind. M had contacted the TransActive Gender Center and they say the project is still fully operational.

Help us share Chris' story


Trans-feminist

I get really sick of all the "All men..." stuff that I see everywhere. It really bothers me, because I feel wrong as a woman. Because I'm not one. But then a lot of women make me feel wrong for being the man that I actually am. It just really bothers me that if I want to talk about how hurtful these things are, I get called a Men's Rights Activist, but honestly, I'm a feminist. I just feel like feminism needs to include everyone in on the equality. I just don't know where I fall as a trans man.

The FtM tag

The FtM tag on tumblr only makes me more dysphoric. 

-S

Pre-op transwoman who has yet to start crossdressing

Today was just a normal day at work( i work in retailing ) and a family entered the store, i was just smiling there and standing behind them, being ready to serve them if needed. They had a little girl around the age of 5-7. She asked her mom, is that a girl or a boy. At that moment, time seemed to have paused. I was dumbfounded, i'm not sure how to react, should i walk away? or continue standing there and be judged.

I am a pre-op transwoman. I have yet to start cross dressing, i did not put on make up, i dressed as a male. I only had a hairstyle longer than average males, approximately reaching my shoulders. Her mom answered after a second glance,'' he is a boy ''. I had a silent sigh of relief, even though i should be happy that i could pass at first glance as a girl even without dressing/makeup/surg. After they left, i was wondering, what has the world became, there's even a gender restriction for hair now ?

So have parents/schools/media been teaching children that boys must have short hair and girl must have long hair?

[Singapore]

It tears my heart

...sometimes because I wish to have been able to live as a cis woman and not deal with the things I have to (trans things), but I know that I could not have been. And so, on the other hand I am also happy to be where I am today and be able to be comfortable with myself.

Lonely

i've seen transman and butch everywhere, but have never seen another transwoman in real life. This maked me feel so lonely -___-

Preferred name

Has anyone tried using their preferred name officially in school/uni without being on T or surgery?

[Singapore] 

Graduation

Seeing all that convocation photos makes me depressed, I want to attend university as a guy, I wish I could see myself as a man wearing the academic regalia.

[Singapore]

01/08/2014

Roleplay

Can't imagine roleplaying as someone else for the rest of my life.

Adam's apple

Is there any way to have an Adam apple for a transman? My gf family thinks she is dating a guy and I haven't met her whole family except her bro. Now I'm worried that they may found out that I'm a Trans man because I don't have an Adam apple. Any help?

[J, Singapore]