unemployed during transition

im in the beginning of my physical transition just one month into hrt so i don’t pass exactly i look more androgynous than anything and recently lost my job. so i know i need to look for another one but i keep hesitating, i find my self creating excuse after excuse as to why i need to hold off. like my name change is pending so i have to go threw the explanation of why my half my documents are under a different masculine name. and that eventually my employment documents will need to be changed, or that soon i will start to look and sound differently. why i don’t use female pronouns and the agitation of constant misgendering. i’m “out” in my personal social circle to friends and family and iv become comfortable in my bubble where the people i know, know who i am and treat me as any other person its when i wander out side that bubble where i begin to have major amounts of anxiety and self doubt which blows i used to be such a social person. 

Trapped

I never want to go out. I just turned 18, and I'm pre-everything. Pre-t, pre transition, pre-coming out. I don't have many friends, and I'm currently unemployed. My sister always invites me out to socialize, but I usually turn her down. I'm miserable but I don't want to do anything. My family hasn't really noticed anything's wrong, I'm pretty good at hiding it. But I'm miserable. I keep telling myself I'll come out soon, I'll do it soon, any day now, I just have to sit down and write a letter to my parents, really soon. But I haven't. The idea of meeting people scares me, because I know that adding more people to my circle just means that's more people I'll have to come out to later. I feel trapped.

Too self-conscious to make friends

My partner and I haven't been sexually intimate for a while but I've been very interested in hooking up with other people, especially because they have successfully formed intimate relationships with other people (we're poly). But whenever I imagine a scenario in which I'm meeting new people and getting to know them, I get too anxious wondering if I'll have to keep meeting people who don't understand my body and presentation as a trans man and don't respect my identity, and what if they think my stretch marks are gross or my shape is weird? What if my body hair confuses them? What if I'm not interesting? I'm lonely but I feel like I'm too self conscious to make friends.(USA)

hesitant about surgery

i want top surgery, i want to go on T, and i want to be able to present myself as fully male in everyday life, but i guess i have a lot of fear about bottom surgery. i’m afraid of trying to do it and ending up with unsatisfactory results…

to me, a big thing is being able to present as male in public, well nobody is going to see what i have in my pants so it’s not nearly as central to my personal transition as T and top surgery, in my eyes.

i like to picture myself as fully male, but i just don’t know if i could ever make my body match my mental image, and i’m terrified that if i tried and it didn’t live up to expectations, i’d be more unhappy than ever. at least right now, it’s like a nice fantasy that hasn’t gone wrong yet.

i can’t be the only one terrified of bottom surgery, right?

Extreme penis envy

Is it normal for me to have extreme penis-envy? Not even the physical aspect of having one but when my girlfriend hangs out with her guy friends I always get extreme anxiety that she will prefer them to me simply because they have what I don't. She's extremely loyal and loving towards me and I know she won't do anything, is it still normal to be envious of her guy friends?

Top surgery anxieties

I’m SO ready for top surgery but can’t afford it yet. Top surgery is almost all I think about. I got a second job recently to help me save up for surgery. But I’m nervous about the pain and the healing time because my day job kind of requires lifting and movement that isn’t conducive to my future post-op healing. So I’m already nervous about that…….but even being shirtless in front of anyone that’s not my partner, even a doctor or a surgeon, is really stressful to me.

Sick with anxiety

Everyday before work I’m sick to my stomach with anxiety about my dysphoria. Makes me wanna die sometimes.