What if they're right?

Some days, I just feel like I should pretend to be a girl. I've been told this is a phase..what if they're right? What if makeup, pretending to love my body, and acting like I'd love to be a mother someday will change this? I think about that a lot, I wish I wasn't this way. Some nights I find myself trying to act feminine, just to make my mother happy.

-G

second guessing

i came out to my mom almost a year ago, and i honestly didn't and still don't know how to take her reaction. she didn't immediately agree(?) with is and just kept asking questions like i was sure. and honestly all that did was make me question myself more. like i know i want to use he/him pronouns, i want to go by my chosen name, i want a flat chest (physically not just binded) and want to present as a boy. she mentioned she would let me get top sugery if i went to therapy for it first, which scares me bc i feel like its more or less going to make myself question and second guess myself more. and i asked if could go on T for just 6 months just to help with my voice dysphoria but she got really like upset? and said no bc she works with a trans man who's been on T for years and "still has the same voice" and she doesn't want me to get permanent results incase i "regret" it. (on a side note with said coworker my mom still misgenders them). i'm only 16 soon to be 17 and i know i just have to wait a few more years before i can take control myself, but i don't feel comfortable doing this while still living at home, but moving out would take a long time, and leaving for college would cost a lot of money. i have really super supportive friends and that's more than what most people have, but my other trans friends have suportive family and it just makes me so jealous seeing them be so open at home. like im still struggling to get my mom to use my chosen name more. and ever since i came out it feels like she purposely emphesizes my "female" pronouns more. some days are just worse than the others and i want these feelings to go away.

Nervous about my future

I'm super scared about my future.

I've been struggling so much with my gender identity, ever since I was 12, actually. Lately, I'm figuring that I may be a very feminine transman, as I enjoy makeup and things considered to be feminine, but I really want to be a man. But the more I think about my future, the more I fear for it. Mainly, I'm moving to a new house, my dads got a girlfriend who has four kids, and they may be moving in with us soon. While my stepmom isn't entirely homophobic/transphobic, my dad is 100% against LGBT. I'm just so scared on how I'll come out to him; will he accept me, or reject me? What will my stepmom and siblings think? I'm just so nervous and scared.

An apple with blue paint

When I told my mom about this "transgender stuff" I didn't expected much but I hoped something would change, that she would try to help, but this change didn't last a week.
I think she wouldn't mind if it was really it but she kinda hope it's not, I also feel like she's holding on to the fact that I paint my nails and like wearing necklaces.
It gets me on the nerves cause it's JUST clothing! I mean, if you paint an apple with blue paint, it's still an apple!
I guess I'm just disapointed, cause I thought I could lean more on her.

life is really unfair

//vent time//
i’m a 14 y/o transboy who lately came out to his mom who…is really transphobic. she wont let me even get a haircut or buy a new sports bra to flatten my chest a bit. my dysphoria is there 24/7 and i cant do anything about it. she makes me feel so gross for “wanting to be a guy”. i hate it.
i knew i was trans for about a year, i was questioning my gender since i went to primary school.

…meanwhile there is another transboy who imidiatelly after realising he was trans (about 1 months ago) he came out to his parents and they turned out to be really supportive. i tried to ignore it until…he got a top surgery. A TOP SURGERY. a 16,000zł (zł is a polish currency) (i live in poland tbh) top surgery. THEY MANAGED TO GET HIM A TOP SURGERY IN 2 MONTHS DONE BY ONE OF THE TWO SURGEONS IN POLAND THAT ACTUALLY SPECIALISE IN THAT.

so yeah i’m really fuccing done with my life and dysphoria is making me unable to function properly, i would give anything just to get a 5$ binder from amazon (tbh i dont care if it will break my ribs and kill me, if it will flatten my chest i’m getting it and i’m wearing the shit out if that), i dont care anymore about my health, i harmed myself before many times, why not do it again jUST TO GET RID OF THE DYSPHORIA PLEASE SOMEBODY TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME

i know so many people have it worse than me. i’m sorry.

//end of vent time//

need help

I recently made the connection that I am, indeed, a trans boy. I have looked online for binders and stuff, but then I realized that if I get a chest binder I will most likely have to come out to my mom and she constantly reminds me that I’m a girl more than once a day. If I get a binder, she will definitely notice, like “hey where’d your boobs go?” so I guess I could only bind for like one day a week. I could also say that the normal chest binders are like sports bras or something. I just need help with this badly, I can’t even imagine coming out to my mom.

never properly admitted

Hey, I've never properly admitted I'm a transman, I've tried to tell my partner and she just has said she can't love me if I am. I just lie and say I'm not. I've sort of told my mum and she was good about it, but asked did I really want to go through all the surgery. I keep feeling worse and worse about the whole thing. I wish I had known when I was younger. I feel I'm too scared to do anything now as I don't want to be rejected and end up with no one.

My dad is a twat

I came out to my parents at a gloat(asatru thing) and when we for in the car to to home they said they ‘understood’ and baisically said that i was a lesbian. Not fucking true. Later my dad used my fear against me and made me say that I was following a stupid trend, but I’m not. Now he constantly refers to me as his 'little girl’ but my mom had occasionally called me a he and gotten me mens shoes and clothes. I am NEVER going to trust my dad ever again. My mom will be getting the respect age deserved. My dads stupid actions along with the teasing throughout my life, which had caused significant psychological damage THANK YOU VERY MUCH YOU TWAT, will NEVER allow him to earn my trust ever again. He needs to accept the part of me that he never knew he had, instead of clinging on to the mask I wore to hide my pain before I realized that I was a man.

want to live as a cis guy

i have an unsupportive family and i can never tell if my doubts about wanting to start testosterone or even being ftm come from their denial or not. im always so worried and i desperately want to live as a cis guy in the future. nothing about me feels connected with being trans guy or being a girl (not that theyre synonymous or similar in any way), and i believe its internalized transphobia, but i just feel more valid calling myself cis. idk. i just wish some part of me was normal

Shattered

After five years of love and a growing and carefully built relationship and loving together for 3 years, my partner left me in a rush in paragraphs while I was at work- just for the plan to be to run away whenever they felt like jumping ship. Giving up on not only us, our home, but also giving up on me. I feel like my transition is the reason. If not part of the reason. That it’s changed me. That it’s pushed her away. And even if she says it isn’t, there is always that fear. The shittiest part is I have no room to complain. I’ve been on testosterone for a little over 2 years, I’ve got a decent job, my family and friends have been loving and supportive of not only them running away from me but also as I’ve transitioned. I’m still a college student, I’ve got a fat happy cat and a big loving German shepherd. But I’m miserable. It’s been a month and it feel like centuries. I just want to be happy; wake up excited to start a new day, to get support and love from my myself, to figure out what’s best for me and my transitioning. But I don’t know what makes me happy without them. I don’t know what to do without them - food isn’t appealing, cooking bores me, sleep is frequent short panic bursts, nightmares keep me in a horrible mindset, my insomnia has come back in full force, I’m smiling and faking my way through my day when I literally can’t look myself in the mirror. I miss them. I want them to come home. I have put my heart on my sleeve and they don’t even want to try. I just want someone, anyone to talk to. My days are filled with silence. I would love to talk to and get to know other trans kids, non binary, queer, cis, whatever. I just don’t do well on my own and I can’t handle having nobody as a friend in my life. They were my everything and it’s gone. /endrant

So close yet so far...

So I'm going to an endocrinologist... but it's not for hormones. It's for my messed up thyroid. My mom is taking me and I'm still not out to her as trans for safety reasons. I just find it cruel and ironic that I'm going to the doctor that could save me but I can't say anything. What I want will be in front of me but I can't reach out. It makes me feel helpless, hopeless, and disgusting.

United States

Family pressured me

I came out as trans and the pressure my family put on me was just so much. Every day they pivoted between making me less trans and forcing me into transitioning before I was ready and it was so stressful. I got so scared every time my mum wanted to have a serious talk because it was always trying to force me one way or the other. Eventually I lied, said it was just a phase and said i wasnt trans after all and i hate it. i hate being a girl i hate my birth name but what do i do when ill never be taken seriously

UK

My future wife supports me but not my family

And I’m tired of it. They always misgender me but not her, and I’m glad she loves me who for I truly am. Some times, I just want to move in with her so I can leave my Transphobic family behind.

Awkard Presentation

I came out to my parents as a transgender man, and they didn’t really believe me. I thought it wouldn’t bother as much. It doesn’t, but I find myself feeling awkward when I want to present myself in masculine clothes, let alone wear my binder around them. Even when I went home for Spring Break this past week and I had just trimmed my hair, my parents had a problem with it. I just thought they would be a little more lenient on how I dress my body. They still see me as their daughter and nothing is going to change that. To them, I was born a “girl” and that’s what “God” wants me to be. Sorry, parents. I don’t believe in your God. Never did.

Strict mother

Hi! This is less a confession and more looking for advice... I'm trans, but my mother refuses to accept it. She says that I "don't act like normal boys" and that I'm just trying to hide the fact that I'm a lesbian (even though I'm aro/ace) or trying to hurt her. The worst part is, I'm stuck with her for at least another two years and probably more and I'm scared to go to anyone else for advice. She's incredibly strict and I'm hardly allowed to do anything. I'm scared and upset... What can I do?

Boys can have feelings too

My mum loves uber flamboyant famous males but I can’t be kinda feminine. I’m sensitive and emotional and feminine. Like I’m literally the same person I always was. Just different pronouns. People just expected me to become an emotionless drone or something. I have feelings. A lot of them. And v little control over my emotions right now bc of the hormones I’m on. It’s really annoying and wish it would stop.

Any advice for coming out?

I am still in the closet and i’m scared of coming out. So far… The only one who knows who I am going to come out about it is my best friend and my little brother… My friend is really supportive of me but my brother absolutely refuses to even register me being trans and insists that I’m his older sister and that’s who I am now so that’s who ill always be….. Any advice for coming out…?

Attracted to FTMs

I am a femme at heart. I have always been attracted to FTMs. I hope to have a family with him.

Tomboy Sha. (Singapore)

Trapped

I never want to go out. I just turned 18, and I'm pre-everything. Pre-t, pre transition, pre-coming out. I don't have many friends, and I'm currently unemployed. My sister always invites me out to socialize, but I usually turn her down. I'm miserable but I don't want to do anything. My family hasn't really noticed anything's wrong, I'm pretty good at hiding it. But I'm miserable. I keep telling myself I'll come out soon, I'll do it soon, any day now, I just have to sit down and write a letter to my parents, really soon. But I haven't. The idea of meeting people scares me, because I know that adding more people to my circle just means that's more people I'll have to come out to later. I feel trapped.

I want to get brainwashed and forget everything

I regret I ever told anyone! I have never felt so humiliated! My boyfriend was pretending the whole time that he supports me and want me to be happy and after a year he got drunk and said he doesnt want me to go to transition. It was when I had already came out our friends, my family and his family (who by the way condemned me and his father doesnt want me to work for him anymore if undergo transition). I dont know how to live with him anymore and I cannot leave hime either, its not so easy. I cannot shift back to woman like he had known me before because a lot of things changed. I want to get brainwashed and forget about everything. I hate this life so much. I want undo. I want to return to time before comingout and live that shitty repressed - but relatively balanced - life before I came out. Now I got mess in my head, people look strangely at me, I became freak for them and I dont see the way out - in regards to my inner attitude. Tell me how to undo in my head? (Eastern Europe)