Super male and super gay

I just read your "i'm a bad transsexual" post and bruh I am right there with you. I don't feel the dysphoria either. I am pretty comfortable in my girl body. I hate my boobs and i think vaginas are super weird but i'm girly and feminine and what not. HOWEVER i identify as a gay male. My "inside self" as i like to call is super male and super gay. I want to date and have sex with other gay males (or bi or pan males) but i am afraid that no cis male gays will be into me. I'm afraid of looking like a poser or a fag hag too. i am pre everything at the moment but am going to be getting on T in the spring and having top surgery next. I hope this helps me but i am worried about all my girly clothes and interests ??? i am struggling. please, if you find any answers or things that bring comfort please share them with me. lots of love. Logan.

No Title, Just Confusion

So, before I identified as trans (I came out two years ago when I was away from home and felt safer) I identified as a gold star lesbian. I’ve never once been with a guy, and I’ve never before felt attracted to a guy. But now, I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years, and a couple months ago I noticed something. I might like guys now? Like, a very strong maybe? And I know it’s not a bad thing, I’m just confused. How do I tell my girlfriend without her leaving me?

i think i'm bi

I’m afraid to tell my fiance that I think I’m bi, and I want to have a threesome with another ftm or cisgender male. She’s already had fears that I might turn out gay, but I love having sex with her. I just think some guys are so sexy.

no one will like me

I am afraid few men will like me because of my lack of penis. I wish I could have all those affairs I always dreamt of but all these vaginaphobia in the gay community is terrifying. I mostly dislike my breasts and cunt. I want to hit on gay guys but they only see a girl. It is killing me.

Virgin gay bar visit

Any tips for a FTM for his first time going to a gay bar? If other transman could give me some advice by asking in this page, that would help me too.

☹️️

I’m a “non-passing” kinda fem gay trans guy and I feel like no gay guy will be attracted to me. I’ve seen other trans guys date trans guys but they date the ones who “pass” from what I’ve seen and then cis guys want guys who “pass” or other cis guys. I just feel like no one will ever want me TBH. I feel like no mlm will ever be attracted to me :(

Demi-Homoromantic Gray-asexual or demiromantic Homosexual... who can't stand vaginas

So... I'm a gay transboy and if you ask, I've identified as such since the third grade. My sexuality however... was always confusing to me. I knew I liked boys but for most of my years I couldn't accept it because I was taught that I wouldn't be a real transboy if I still found attraction to other boys. It wasn't until the last year of middle school that I found that it was okay. That I was not the only trans gay boy. So I was content for a while. That is... until a friend of mine who also happens to be trans confessed to me. I harbored no feelings for him so I said no, feeling guilt but also knowing I did the right thing. Yet... The thought of dating another trans guy was new to me, something I never thought about before.
Also to clarify, I sort of clash between Demi-Homoromantic Gray-asexual or demiromantic Homosexual... I just can't really identify as one just yet.
Anyways... a few years after that I may have requited his feelings (may bc tbh I still don't know if it was out of pity or me trying to believe I loved him). And everything was great except he was... more sexual than I thought.
I'm still a virgin, so you know how that went, but when we tried...
I felt... sick? And I feel so horrible that I did because it wasn't the intimacy that disgusted me it was because... I just can't stand vaginas...
There. Thats what this confession is about.

And I feel so bad.
Because I'm okay with the thought of dating transguys because their guys... but if it were to become sexual I.
Just can't do it.
I remember those videos they'd show you when they taught puberty and I'd feel the same sick revolting feeling looking at the video to any vagina.
Thats why Im not sure how to identify myself.
Cause I know I'm not totally asexual, but if I were to label myself as gay yet can not feel sexually attracted to a trans guy (who did not undergo bottom surgery) than... how is that fair?
I'm at least 80% sure Its because I can't stand my own nether regions but I feel like that's a shit excuse.
Yet no matter how I try... if i just LOOK at a vagina I feel like gagging? That may seem as an exaggeration but I assure you that its far from it.

I don't want to make it seem as I look at Transpeople (or any other persons) as walking genitalia because I don't. I know that I am 100% alright with dating any guy cis or trans. But if we were to be sexual... I would never pull through much less start with a transboy.
And before you ask, "what about transgirls?" I'll be clear now that I do not find girls sexually or romantically appealing no matter the genitalia.

It just... bothers me so much you know? Seeing posts about how people should accept the genitalia of a transperson makes me go "Hell yeah! Make us feel valid!" But then make me shortly realize... I'm a hypocrite. And I just wish I wasn't.
That I could have sexual relations with a boy cis OR trans.

I also found that being 'penis-repulsed' and 'vagina-repulsed' being a real thing. So this is where the Demi-homoromatic gray asexual came from. Because with finding that those two terms were real that only asexuals can label themselves as such. Yet... calling myself a vagina-repulsed Demi-homoromantic gray asexual seemed kind of... dehumanizing to transboys. Like? An out for someone to be "transphobic". And when I realized that, I once again felt disgust for myself.

Someone please answer me. Tell me how I can fix this because I've done all I can. I can't keep trying to fit myself into a category to only make me feel worse. But I don't want to hurt or offend others too.

Or if maybe... that it's okay?
Fuck, I really don't know how to word this properly but-
Tell me if its okay to label myself as just a (demiromantic) trans GAY boy who just had no sexual attraction to those who own vaginas

I want to get brainwashed and forget everything

I regret I ever told anyone! I have never felt so humiliated! My boyfriend was pretending the whole time that he supports me and want me to be happy and after a year he got drunk and said he doesnt want me to go to transition. It was when I had already came out our friends, my family and his family (who by the way condemned me and his father doesnt want me to work for him anymore if undergo transition). I dont know how to live with him anymore and I cannot leave hime either, its not so easy. I cannot shift back to woman like he had known me before because a lot of things changed. I want to get brainwashed and forget about everything. I hate this life so much. I want undo. I want to return to time before comingout and live that shitty repressed - but relatively balanced - life before I came out. Now I got mess in my head, people look strangely at me, I became freak for them and I dont see the way out - in regards to my inner attitude. Tell me how to undo in my head? (Eastern Europe)

Struggling with demons

I am FTM trans, 27, pre-everything, and I've been struggling with my own demons for 2 years since I came out to a few people. The thing is, reactions of them are supportive because they are friends, I live as a man since then, I totally like it and I can say I started to be happy for the first time in my life and I am pretty successfull to pass as a guy, which makes me quite comfortable with myself for the first time. BUT I dont have a courage to take another step for transition. I live in a very conservative catholic country, there are problems with it in society and doctors and moreover after transition I would live openly as gay with my boyfriend (which is our common nightmare, but he supports me anyway) - now I have female name and nobody can say a word even though I look as a boy. I am not able to overcome fear of what would happen in the worst scenarios. I would be treated badly at university and work, bullied, laughed at, family would turn its back on me or they would treat me with contempt. And there will be no undo. Detransition is the most humiliating thing I can imagine. I am afraid I won't be able to fulfill demands and expectations as a man. I know maybe anything of that would never happen, but I am chased by guilt, confusing thoughts, fear and anxiety.
If there's anybody who would like to talk about it, I'll be glad, I'm leaving my contact
thx (EU)

How to ask this boy out?

I'm thinking about asking a boy out soon, but I'm scared of what he'll think of me being trans. I'm not out to anyone at school and I don't want to be out yet, and because of that I know he sees me as a girl. And he's said before that he's not gay, which sort of still gives me a chance (since he thinks I'm a girl) but I'm scared that would he would not take the 'im a trans boy' news too well. I don't want coming out to him to mean he starts looking at me different. I know that if I came out well into our relationship he'd probably accept me but it still scares me. (Canada) 

I'm a "bad transsexual"

Non-dysphoria dysphoria

I'm a very feminine FTM to the point where I am scared of transitioning. I find my body beautiful, i'm afraid that transitioning to a more masculine body will make me ugly. But my assigned gender is so wrong to me, being called a girl or a woman makes me feel disgusting. I hate my breasts and my vagina, but I love looking feminine and pretty. To top it all off, i'm gay and I know 99.99% of cis gay men won't even consider me/ think i'm a liar / think i'm a "fag hag"
My mostly non body dysphoria and homosexuality makes me feel like i'm a "bad transexual" who will always be alone.  

Please don't settle

Coming out while in a relationship is wildly difficult for your partner but you don’t have to settle for a long term crappy reaction. My boyfriend identified as straight before I came out. Now he identifies as bisexual (although i sometimes i feel almost guilty that he changed his identity for me) and he doesnt take anyones shit about ‘oooh but he has a vagina so are you really gay¿?’ My point is, there are so many great people who will accept and love you and wont let labels of the sexuality be an issue between you so If you feel like your partner isnt respecting your identity with their sexual label, it isnt the worst thing in the world to confront them about it.

can't handle it

My dysphoria finally hit it’s worst today.. Tumblr blogs I follow have been posting gay p*rn, and I can’t handle seeing it when I’m not like that.. Why couldn’t I just be born me already?

i'm desperately in love with him

... and he knows it, and loves me too. we're open, but call each other husbands. he helped me realise i was trans. but he's "gay" - as in, only for men born with dicks... and it kills me that he's not into me /sexually/ because i have a vagina. it's been five years. recently he started crushing on a cis guy and told me and i told him how inadequate it made me feel and he insists it'll go nowhere but i'm terrified i'm not good enough for him because i'm not cis enough

I'm gay but i love this girl?

I’m in a committed relationship with a woman, and have been for a while, but I’m afraid that when I transition I’m going to be a gay ftm, because most of the time I feel like I am a gay man trapped in a woman’s body, but at the same time I really love this girl and don’t want to lose her and I’m so unsure of what to do.

codywillow answered: If you feel that you really love this girl, then I’m sure you’ll still love her regardless of your body. Love is so much more complicated that black and white. 

wildisthewolf answered: Love is love! You may very well be gay, but being gay will not detract your feelings for *this particular* individual. Sexuality can be a moving target. 

charliefromscratch answered: My gender therapist is ftm, and he has always stated that he feels like a gay man, even though he is in a relationship with a woman. You can self identify however you choose and still be with her if you love her. Being with her wouldn’t negate that. 

thevoicestories said: I am a gay man in a woman’s body too. I have learned that romance and sexuality are not the same thing. I feel in love with two girls (not at the same time). I believe i am panromantic and still gay. Yes it makes things difficult but it made me Feel a lot better to know that it isn’t uncommon and totally not strange or weird.

silver-and-stardust answered: I wouldn’t worry about it till it happens man, there’s a lot of reasons we can feel like a “gay guy in a girls body” and some of it can just be feminine stereotyping of gay guys, and don’t forget bi is always an option too depending on your feelings! 

Don’t get caught up in labels. Love breaks down any sort of barrier that anyone can build. If you love her, be with her. It’s only for you to decide. But don’t stay with her because you think is right. You need to give her a fair life, as you both deserve! -- ftmtransgendersupport 

I am a transman and I’m attracted to androgynous women/men and I'm afraid I'll be ridiculed

…and I feel like if i’m open about that i’ll be emasculated and assumed that I still want to be a “lesbian”. My partner is very fluid in her gender expression and is teased when she dresses “boy-ish” by a few of her really feminine friends and ask if I care about how she looks, when in fact I love how she looks, I love androgyne. Is it terrible of me to admit that to my cis-male friends? I’m afraid i’ll be made fun of..

raleighthebird said: I am a trans man who has been struggling with this for a very long time as well. It’s nice to come across someone who has the same attraction to androgynous woman as a trans man. 

My grandma just called me a spinster because I never have a boyfriend…

 I just don’t have the energy to explain her I am a gay transman and am still figuring everything out… Don’t want to jump in a random relationship without being comfortable with myself… Her saying that hurts more than I expected

thelifeofkaiblog said: If your grandma won’t understand your trans status, it may help a little that she will still see you as a masculine “hetero” when you date a guy, in the future. You know who you are, though, and that is worth more than her opinion. 

venyal said: I hear you. what people say are just perceptions, and they don’t define you. What hurts is a lack of acceptance and understanding from the ones you love. Find refuge in those who love you as you are. Sending love your way. 

BJ fantasies

I feel like since transitioning (2 years in less than a month on hormones, pre-op ) I'm open to ALL sexes and identities where as before transitioning I wasn't, what's wrong with me? Im having fantasies giving blow jobs to cis males gay and straight

i'll never have love

Not as a girl, not as a transguy. I'm too ugly to ever have a man in my life.

i came out to my husband today

and I am terrified. Not physically: he would never hurt me. But he’s not gay, and I don’t think he will handle me presenting as male. I’m pretty sure this is the end of our marriage.