My doctor actually said this

My doctor said to me “oh sorry, I cannot give you a referral for a therapist so you can get your harmones, because it is against my religion.”

Struggling with demons

I am FTM trans, 27, pre-everything, and I've been struggling with my own demons for 2 years since I came out to a few people. The thing is, reactions of them are supportive because they are friends, I live as a man since then, I totally like it and I can say I started to be happy for the first time in my life and I am pretty successfull to pass as a guy, which makes me quite comfortable with myself for the first time. BUT I dont have a courage to take another step for transition. I live in a very conservative catholic country, there are problems with it in society and doctors and moreover after transition I would live openly as gay with my boyfriend (which is our common nightmare, but he supports me anyway) - now I have female name and nobody can say a word even though I look as a boy. I am not able to overcome fear of what would happen in the worst scenarios. I would be treated badly at university and work, bullied, laughed at, family would turn its back on me or they would treat me with contempt. And there will be no undo. Detransition is the most humiliating thing I can imagine. I am afraid I won't be able to fulfill demands and expectations as a man. I know maybe anything of that would never happen, but I am chased by guilt, confusing thoughts, fear and anxiety.
If there's anybody who would like to talk about it, I'll be glad, I'm leaving my contact
thx (EU)

I want to be free..

I love God, why would he make this body a prison instead of my temple? How am I suppose to live if I cannot stand being in this tiny, sick and foreign body? This woman's body that does not belong to me that has proven it hates me just as equally. Why is it war? I envy strangers walking around and yes, they might have problems but at least their bodies belong to them. All I want is my body to be MY body. Not this. There are times when I want to claw myself apart, so that I might finally be free.

As a black transman of color..

... I am afraid of being attacked or killed by police or over-vigilant people with weapons. This is my biggest fear next to losing my entire religiously conservative family. 

My birth gender offered me about some protection. My actual gender offers me none. I am not physically powerful and use a cane. I am also afraid this will invite attackers who wish to take advantage of my physical weakness to prove themselves.

trans christians?

Please tell me there are other devout Christians who are trans? I cant be the only one struggling with my faith and who i am.