Shattered

After five years of love and a growing and carefully built relationship and loving together for 3 years, my partner left me in a rush in paragraphs while I was at work- just for the plan to be to run away whenever they felt like jumping ship. Giving up on not only us, our home, but also giving up on me. I feel like my transition is the reason. If not part of the reason. That it’s changed me. That it’s pushed her away. And even if she says it isn’t, there is always that fear. The shittiest part is I have no room to complain. I’ve been on testosterone for a little over 2 years, I’ve got a decent job, my family and friends have been loving and supportive of not only them running away from me but also as I’ve transitioned. I’m still a college student, I’ve got a fat happy cat and a big loving German shepherd. But I’m miserable. It’s been a month and it feel like centuries. I just want to be happy; wake up excited to start a new day, to get support and love from my myself, to figure out what’s best for me and my transitioning. But I don’t know what makes me happy without them. I don’t know what to do without them - food isn’t appealing, cooking bores me, sleep is frequent short panic bursts, nightmares keep me in a horrible mindset, my insomnia has come back in full force, I’m smiling and faking my way through my day when I literally can’t look myself in the mirror. I miss them. I want them to come home. I have put my heart on my sleeve and they don’t even want to try. I just want someone, anyone to talk to. My days are filled with silence. I would love to talk to and get to know other trans kids, non binary, queer, cis, whatever. I just don’t do well on my own and I can’t handle having nobody as a friend in my life. They were my everything and it’s gone. /endrant

This is what transition looks like for me

It bugs me so much when other guys assume I'm new to being trans just because I've only been on T for 8 months. Time on T does not equal time out of the closet!! I have been living full time as a man for years, I have my name legally changed, I navigate in male spaces seamlessly. My choice to wait to be on T has in no way delayed my transition. This is what transition looks like for me, it's different for everyone. There is not one right way/order/time to transition. It's all individual.

USA 

Where to buy T online?

Does anyone know where to buy T online? I'm too young to get it through Dr Tsoi without parental consent, but...it's tiring, worrying about passing on the grace of a military undercut and dressing. (Singapore)

Gonna make my own T

I'm planning on doing making and taking my own T. Everything I have read keeps saying I need to do it legit, but I just don't think I can wait anymore. I really hope it goes well.