I have to get out

I need to transition, but I know that the moment I start, I'm going to lose my parents.  When I told them I had a girlfriend, my mom told me never to talk about it again, it was too much for them, I would ruin their reputation, and we haven't spoken about my life since then.

Every time I wear anything masculine, cut my hair, or accidentally reveal something that betrays my identity, I'm the instigator, I'm ""making waves"" and ""drawing attention"" to myself, and I'm guilt-tripped back into the closet.  I'm 24 years old and I feel like I'm suffocating.

I've been planning for the past year and saving money, and the moment I'm financially stable, I'm going to cut ties.  I'm scared.  I don't know who's going to hire me or where I can live, but I have to get out.

[USA]