Surgery for One

It’s my process, it’s my journey and giving myself the shots was quite the adjustment, its almost effortless now. Despite wanting to end the dysphoria, can I really do it alone? I’m kind of tired doing it alone but I’ll continue anyways, I just get scared & uneasy. I accept however I must go thru it but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish I had a hand to hold

I'm scared

I’ve come out of the closet to my parents and some others, but I’m scared that I’m “not trans enough” just because I like to wear dresses some days. I’m scared of starting T, because it’s something I want, but i don’t know what people will think, or if I’ll regret the decision in a couple years.

I’m scared.

of privilege & guilt

I'm a 16(17 in a month & 1/2) year old freshman, no one knows I'm transgender except the staff and a small handful of students. I have parents who use my name and pronouns, for two years I've been nothing but me. I'm privileged. I feel guilty.

Destroyed from binding

i have destroyed my back from binding. i have constant, severe pain even when i'm not binding, but i can't take a break because i have to work to pay rent and for my hormones. i can't afford top surgery but i need it so bad. my dysphoria is as debilitating as my back pain. i don't know what to do.

Clothes, binders and sexual misfortune.

Confession: Some days I feel so pretty I want to wear a cute skirt and crop Top yet still wear a binder. I still am a boy even though I like “girly” clothing it’s just the general public says I can’t be a boy when I want to sometimes wear cute or sexy ‘girly’ clothing.

Binders: I’ve had this crappy cheap loose side clasped binder for about a year now and I’m finally waiting patiently for a new binder in the mail from gc2b should arrive in 3 or so weeks~❤

Misfortune: I don’t know my sexuality 100% but I’m generally mostly attractive to men and I’ve had sex with my *hoo-ha* but I’ve always wanted to try anal but recently I had to have an iliostomy (close to 3months ago) and got my whole colon removed so it may be dangerous for me to have anal with my lover so I’ve just got to accept that. I also have an issue with people calling me a girl because I like having sex with my born genetals and do not plan to get bottom surgery. :/

make it through

I don’t know if I’ll make it through a week. I don’t know if I’ll make it through this day.

Loving myself with her help

My girlfriend Rose always makes me feel good about my body.. sometimes i feel bad that i feel better than usual but.. i love her. She makes me so happy. She helps me feel content with my parts. Hell, she makes me proud of my body. I love her and im really glad that i met her. Shes a gift, and im glad i met her

Body positivity

Some days i feel really good about myself and some days i dont, on the good days i take a picture. Like after i get out of the shower or with nothing but underwear on, i want to post them because i am proud that i can manage to even have good days (im pre surgery) but im afraid of what people are going to say or think. I also think its important to show that not all transmen are what the media portray, like i have a slightly feminine figure and i dont have surgery but thats also what a transman looks like, i want to advocate that with my body but i am slightly afraid.

Shattered

After five years of love and a growing and carefully built relationship and loving together for 3 years, my partner left me in a rush in paragraphs while I was at work- just for the plan to be to run away whenever they felt like jumping ship. Giving up on not only us, our home, but also giving up on me. I feel like my transition is the reason. If not part of the reason. That it’s changed me. That it’s pushed her away. And even if she says it isn’t, there is always that fear. The shittiest part is I have no room to complain. I’ve been on testosterone for a little over 2 years, I’ve got a decent job, my family and friends have been loving and supportive of not only them running away from me but also as I’ve transitioned. I’m still a college student, I’ve got a fat happy cat and a big loving German shepherd. But I’m miserable. It’s been a month and it feel like centuries. I just want to be happy; wake up excited to start a new day, to get support and love from my myself, to figure out what’s best for me and my transitioning. But I don’t know what makes me happy without them. I don’t know what to do without them - food isn’t appealing, cooking bores me, sleep is frequent short panic bursts, nightmares keep me in a horrible mindset, my insomnia has come back in full force, I’m smiling and faking my way through my day when I literally can’t look myself in the mirror. I miss them. I want them to come home. I have put my heart on my sleeve and they don’t even want to try. I just want someone, anyone to talk to. My days are filled with silence. I would love to talk to and get to know other trans kids, non binary, queer, cis, whatever. I just don’t do well on my own and I can’t handle having nobody as a friend in my life. They were my everything and it’s gone. /endrant

From Atlanta, looking for friends

Hey there! Alex here; FTM and been on T for about 2ish years now, working on legally changing my name/sadly pre-op and from Atlanta looking for other trans men and LGBTQA+ people to get to know and talk to. Shoot me a message if you'd like a new friend on this blog or my transition blog; anupliftedevolution (tumblr)